Standing Up To My Uncles, and Other Class Assignments

Begin with the sentence: Someone once told me…

“I wish I was brave enough as you are so I could speak out for my education. You were brave enough to stand in front of your uncles and say that you are studying and you don’t want to be engaged or married. I am engaged now and after a year I am going to be married. My mother-in-law told me, ‘Stay at home and learn how to cook for a big family, learn how to sew and try to make your jahizia (the materials that the girl’s family give to their daughter for her new house when married.) Try to lose weight a little bit, or otherwise I will not let my son marry you.’ My family accepts those comments of her and I have to stay home instead of going to school.”

Nadia, who was really smart and wanted to become a doctor, is suppose to sit at home and be a housewife instead. “It was her junior year. She could have graduated from school in just one more year,” I told her mom.

Her mom looked at me as if I was her biggest enemy in the world. “You did not accept your cousin, now you want to ruin my daughter’s future. Her fiancé is really rich, and he is a business man going back and forth to China,” she said. Then her grandmother started to advise me to get married, saying it is the only right way for Muslim girls and their future.

I could not say anything to her because I had to shut my mouth when the elders were talking, and I was just wondering whether, if I had not stood up to my uncles that night, I would be in the same situation now. I was glad, but also very sad at the same time for the girls who cannot decide for their own futures.

Where I wish I was…

In a world of silence, no sounds of explosions, bombings, rockets, shootings. No sound of crying, the scream of a child seeing his/her mom lying on the ground with blood all over. The scream of a girl looking for the pieces of her brother’s body hit by a suicide attack. No more sounds of a baby with eyes looking around to see who is going to pick him/her to be her future.

A place, where people are treated equally with seeing no difference in their color, religion, ethnic, language or anything else.

A world where there would be no more mothers kicked out of their husbands’ house or divorced because she gave birth to a girl. No more sounds of HATE…

A world full of love, respect, prosperity, unity, and equal rights.

What I want to say about my father or mother…

Parents are the most precious gifts from Allah. For me, they have been the most supportive people in my life. Every decision I make is supported by them. It is almost five years since I lost my father. He was always helpful. He was not educated, but he could write, read and help me with some subjects for my classes. Even some educated fathers could not write as well. Sometimes, I thought he was a genius. He was a hero for me, and he is still a hero in every step I am taking in my life.

My mother is not just a mother but a very good friend of mine. She has seen so many difficulties in her life. She endured a lot of people’s backbiting about her life before marriage. She was the only woman in my father’s family who was educated. She worked in a hospital as a head midwife. She was a very different person when she was a girl. She used to wear miniskirts to school, and then she had to wear burqa after her marriage. She let her children study and be like her. Although my father was not educated, he respected my mother and her decisions. After my father died, my mother supported me and the decision to go alone for one year to America for high school. My uncles who wanted to supervise our family after my father’s death did not agree in any way for me to leave the family for one whole year. I would not have been able to fight for it if my mom was not with me. I share almost everything, even the small incidents, that happen in my life with my mother. That is why I call her more of a friend than a mother.

By Maryam


Comments

  1. Lu Vickers says:

    I like how you tie these threads together in these three different pieces. You made me curious about the night with your uncles. I wanted to know exactly what happened.

  2. What beautiful writing! You seem to have a lot of wisdom, and it shines through.

  3. These three pieces of writing are like a window into your world. They give me a clear, unflinching portrait of what life is like for you. Your writing is wonderful.

  4. Jane Morrissey, ssj says:

    Meena,

    The world you want is the world I want. I also want to write about it as clearly and compassionately as you do. Your writing already transforms the world, full as it is of hope and dreaming. Thank you for your generosity.

  5. Jane Morrissey, ssj says:

    Maryam,

    Again I read about the world you want and feel that I am looking at a mirror for my own dream. You make me want to keep working to make this world and I am grateful to you.

  6. Wow very nice peice. I cannot imagine what it would be like to have all my life planned out before me. It is just crazy to think that would happen. Stay storng!

  7. Dear Maryam,

    Your essay was very inspiring, in the sense that I often do not even release all the little things I have in my life. I often take for granted little things, things that I see in my everyday life. In recent time, I have begun to see all the great things of life as gifts from God. In your essay it becomes clear to me that you do not discount anything in life. Likewise, I appreciate your passage about your parents, and all parents for that matter. Growing up I used to fight with my mother so much, we could never see eye to eye. I have come to realize, this women means so much more than I thought she originally did. Through everything, bad or good, she is my mother and she loves me unconditionally, even if I would like to think other wise. I was not until recently I came to understand my parents sacrifice so much to have me be where I am today. They support my education and lively hood. They have worked on me so long, and as a result I am where I am today. I appreciate your insight about parents, but also about accepting and appreciating the small things in life. Your dreams are not far off. I pray for you to continue to believe in the world and find the good character which people still hold in their hearts. Continue to find love in others, and continue to love and honor your parents like you have described.

    Sincerely,
    Alex Drake

  8. Dear Maryam,
    Your writing and your story is so beautiful. I’m really curious about what happened that night with your uncles. But I am so happy that you were blessed with such wonderful parents who let you go to school and who were your friends. Having that type of relationship with parents is the greatest. When you were describing where you wish you were and you were talking about how you wish you were somewhere where there was no sounds of explosions, bombs, rockets and shooting that was very powerful to me. I was watching the news earlier today when I was waiting for a plane and as the newsman was talking a bomb hit a building a few blocks behind him and there were bomb sirens going off in the back ground and people running all through the streets. I can’t imagine how terrifying it would be to live in a war zone or somewhere where there was constant fighting. And how you said that mothers would be kicked out of the house or divorced if she had a baby girl, that is so unbelievable to me. I think that people should be grateful when they are blessed with a baby no matter if it is a boy or a girl. I, like you, cannot wait for there to be a world “full of love, respect, prosperity, unity and equal rights” and no more fighting. Once again I’m really happy that you have such a wonderful family and that you got to go to school and even go to school for a year in America. Keep staying strong and keep writing, it’s very important!
    – Casey

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