For Afghan women, the best times are when they are together and having fun. I remember the day of my brother’s wedding. I invited my friend because it was a good chance for us to see each other. The night of the wedding, we got the bride ready for the party the next day. My mother’s friends were all there and they are like sisters to one another, sharing their sorrow and happiness together. They can’t bear to see each other sad.
That night, I realized my mother was happy and laughing more than I had ever seen her laugh before. She was very funny. She told a story of taking a friend of hers to the doctor once when the friend was sick. The thing is, that friend had never been out of the home before. My mother took her friend all around the city to show her everything. Her friend was totally surprised by all the sights.
At the end, my mother took her into a shop to have ice cream, and there was a mirror on the wall. My mom went outside for a minute and when she came back, her friend was talking to her face in the mirror: “Hi, how are you doing? Are you from the same province that I am?”
She didn’t realize she was looking at herself until she touched the mirror, and then she said, “Oh! This is me!” And then my mother and her friend laughed. My mother’s story made all the women in the room laugh too, even the bride who, in keeping with Afghan custom, had been so sad because she was leaving the family of her childhood to marry into a new family.
In Afghanistan, it isn’t usually possible to have fun with men, and in some families, it’s really hard to laugh in front of men. But when Afghan women get together, they want to be happy and make each other laugh. Though they have much sorrow and worry in their lives, when they gather together at a party, it is a good chance to laugh and have fun with friends.
Your story brought a smile to my face, Shogofa. Thank you for sharing these happy memories and for showing us the importance of friendships among Afghan women.
This was such a delightful entry. I loved it with my heart even though it saddens me to hear that it sometimes is hard to find happiness even with the help of sisters and mothers around you. Again, this is a great story.
Loved this story! I have fond memories of my sweet Afghan friends in Mazar i Sharif, and we LOVED laughing when it was just the women! I was blessed to see a different view of the special Afghan women and their friendships than I had seen in the media! It was the greatest, and I miss every one of my friends there dearly!
What a great story this is. Thank you so much for sharing it. It’s very interesting to read about the friendships between other women. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your story. I got a warm feeling, remembering the times when all the women in my family laugh and tell stories. Wish you many happy memories and reasons to laugh, bless.
Hi, Shagoofa, What a wonderful story you have told, and told so well. I was pleased to get to know your mother a little bit. I really enjoy your writings. Please keep them up. Peggy
Hi Shogofa,
Your story is both funny and haunting. I like the way you went full circle with your narrative. It has components of both literature and oral storytelling.
To improve the story, I would like to see you show the bride more, how sad she is to leave this circle of women and how this last gathering (for her) makes her feel happy.
Cheers and happy writing!
Kate
Shagofa, thank you for sharing your story. It made me realize that we American women have much in common with Afghan women. We also tend to be more ourselves and laugh more when we are in circles of women. I’m 53 years old, but I still can giggle like a little girl when I’m with my women friends. Please keep writing. Your stories thread us together, like a woven rug.
This is a simple cross cultural piece of great sensitivity on what it is like to be happy.Love the idea of mirror conversation…..could have described the tradition of arrsi mushaf!!!!!Good work…plz continue I’m on the look out for publishing some of the work on this website if possible.
Great story Shafoga !
Salam Shogofa jan
This is how our life is. With million of problems, war and …. but still we try to be happy and enjoy life. it is gud that through your story u make people know that how brave we are.
thank u
If possible give me your Id , we can work together and have fun.
Freshta karim
Shagofa, what a wonderful story. It made me realize how important it is to laugh and share – be able to express ourselves and feel the beauty of being connected – and how this is universal. I just celebrated my birthday with 8 dear friends – we all have had our joys and struggles and we just laughed and teased and hugged until we had tears in our eyes. I gain happiness and strength from my friends and hearing your story made me aware not to ever take my friends and sisters for granted
“it’s really hard to laugh in front of men”
that phrase alone says so much. thank you for sharing your work with the rest of the world. we all want to hear the things you have to say.
Matthew
San Francisco, California
Great story! It was wonderful to read and I especially liked the story about the mirror conversation. Please keep writing!
Thank you for sharing this story. It confirms that there is a God. With so much misery, your circle of women could still laugh and smile and see Him in each other. Bless all of you.
What an amazing story. In your telling it I feel I am here with you. We are really all the same!
Thank you for the story. I want to know more about your life!
I don’t think I’ll ever forget that moment at the mirror. So much distilled in that one scene. So much distilled in this entire piece! So many serious themes woven in, yet all the time I am hearing the women laugh, and seeing them smile real smiles. Thank you for that.
My Dear Shogofa,
Your words are beautiful. Your writing touches my heart. This is a very simple, yet powerful story that instantly connects us to the circumstances of so many women, not just in your own country, but all around the world. Too many are isolated and under the control of others, unable to be who they are, acting as servants and treated as slaves, and feeling unworthy of any identity for themselves as individuals.
I have just discovered this project and am so very grateful. It inspires me to fulfill my own visions of what we can accomplish when we simply reach out and allow others to speak their truth. Getting to know each other simply as human beings allows us to build bridges all around the world. Underneath our perceived differences there lies our common humanity and Spirit. It is connecting with that Spirit, uniting as the Human Family we are meant to be, that we create the world in which we all want to live – we make the unknown familiar and therefore eliminate perceived “enemies.” In this way, we work as peacemakers – we bring peace within our own selves and peace in our harsh, outer world.
Thank you so much for sharing and generously giving us your deep insights and connecting us in a very direct way with the world in which you live.
Much love to you, to yours, and many blessings for all you do to help others,
Nancy
Shogofa,
You’re a beautiful writer. Your entry brought smile to my face and made me reflect upon some of the best memories that I’ve had in my life. Most of them coming from the times that I have spent with my closest girlfriends. There’s a sense of freedom we feel when we laugh and smile with our friends – and that is something we must always have in our lives.
I wish you many more great memories and laughter. Please keep writing!
This is a truly heartwarming story, showing that your family and friends will always be there when you need them. This essay really gives a sense of the hope and empowerment you and your family can give each other with the littlest things. I hope that you continue to write and that your family continues to support each other.
Thank you for sharing and reminding us all of the importance of friendship and laughter. They say that laughter is the best medicine, so continue to smile through the sorrow and the worries and your days may seem a little brighter. Best wishes for your future!
This story is very well-written, and a very uplifting. Your piece really shows the support you have, and that is something to be proud of! I hope you continue to enjoy times like these with the people close to you, and I look forward to reading your next piece.
Shogofa,
This is a beautiful story. I smiled when I read it. It brought back memories of spending time with some of my closest friends and all the laughs we have shared. This really made me think about the importance of friendship and having someone to laugh with. Thank you for bringing a smile to me today. I hope you can continue to smile and laugh with your friends and family.
Shogofa,
Your story truly shows the close friendships that form even when being alienated, like it sounds that your mother’s friend was. It brings to light just how much leaving your house for a day can be taken for granted. I really appreciate you sharing your story, it shows the true colors of friendship. I hope that you keep those great realtionships you seem to have.
I love the story.It was really nice i have a warm feeling about friendships and the friendships i have.Thank you Shogofa for sharing this wonderful story.
Shogofa, I found this story touching and sad. Sad because rather than enlarging her family through marriage, an Afghan woman must leave her own family to join another, and sad because there is such a barrier between men and women that they cannot laugh together.
Yet as you see, a man called Matthew has read your story and taken the trouble to comment. He shares the same interest in your story as others have.
Men and women are not so very different at all!
Lisa Hill, Melbourne Australia
Wow I was hoping to see a happy story when I came to this site. I have recently opened my mind to the fact that you guys aren’t always depressed people, but in fact can have fun. This brightened my day thank you so much
Shogofa, thank you for sharing this charming story. I’m glad that you and other Afghan women can find refuge and enjoy laughs when you are together, even in the midst of sorrow. Your story gave me a laugh today too!
Shogofa, thank you for sharing this story. We, women, have long been considered as the weaker gender, but we can be suprisingly strong, resourceful and resilient when we come together, support each other and heal each other through tears and laughter.
Your story reached deep into my heart with that one phrase, “it’s really hard to laugh in front of men.” My fiancee constantly reminds me how fortunate I am to have him tell me jokes and make me laugh. I usually retort with he is the fortunate one to have me as an audience who is willing to laugh at his silly jokes. The truth is, we are both fortunate that we can laugh with and at each other.
One day, when your men realize how much fun they’re missing, they will learn to laugh with you.
Dear Shogofa,
I related to your story quite quickly. You brought back memories that I had of laughing with my women friends the night before I got married. Humor is so important in all relationships. Laughter eases tension, helps us find common ground, and is very healthy for the body. Being able to laugh with my husband and my friends has gotten me through tough times. I pray that you have more times of sharing laughter with your friends. And the next time I laugh, I will imagine you with me, joining in that joy. Peace and love to you, Shogofa, my sister of the world.
It’s always nice to hear about happy memories. Having a bond with a person or many people can make a big difference in someone’s life. It sounds like your mom and her friends have shown you just how important it is to have those bonds. Thank you for sharing your memory. It is good to know that Afghan women are able to find peace in each other’s company away from their many worries and sorrows.
I like how this story about Afghan women is more optimistic than sad but still touches on some of the hardships that these women face. From the previous stories that I have read, I would have never guess that Afghan women could even have parties or spend time with friends. I like how your story shows that they are still able to laugh and have a good time. Even though I find it very sad still that these women can’t laugh and have a good time with their husbands.