Note: Farah Province is a largely Pashtun province in southwest Afghanistan near the Iran border. Nimroz Province to the south of it is a very sparsely populated desert area.
In Afghanistan many families do not pay close attention to how they should marry their children.
Most of them think about marrying their children to someone wealthy, instead of someone healthy. Some families don’t even try to understand the man who wants to marry their daughter.
These problems hurt women in many parts of country, but I want to write about Farida, a girl in Farah Province who was sacrificed by her father and brothers to a marriage with a person who was introduced to her family as a big trader.
Farida was 15 and in the tenth grade, and she was a most beautiful, smart, and talented girl. The family never tried to find out the real facts. They married their daughter to the man who showed up at the wedding party, even though everyone understood this person had mental problems. He was psychotic. He didn’t know about women and life.
Because of this incorrect tradition, Farida went to her husband’s house. Who knows what problems she tolerated or how much pain she felt at home with a psychotic husband.
Her in-law family stopped her from going to school. She became depressed and after three years of enduring this, she returned to her parents to ask them to get her a divorce. But she never succeeded because in Afghanistan only the man has the right to give a divorce. Her husband’s family said they were Pashtun and it would shame them.
Farida told them that she wanted to live far away from the psychotic man. They pretended to agree. Farida was absolutely happy. She started back at school. But on the second day, in front of the school, Farida was kidnapped by her husband’s family members. They took her to an unknown place. No one knew where she was.
Farida’s mother was an old woman, but with tears on her face she went to the Women’s Department, the governor, anywhere she could, to ask for help finding her daughter. No one paid attention, but the women in Farah came together and demonstrated, asking responsible organizations to help bring back Farida to her family.
Their protests caused the governor to issue an order to arrest some of the members of the husband’s family. Finally they showed the place where they had Farida hidden and allowed her to call her parents.
But it is two years later and still she has the same problem. She lives far from her family with this person in Nimroz Province.
It is very unfair that we force a woman to live with a psychotic person. There is no one behind Farida. But we have helped at least to give her the opportunity to be in touch with her family.
By Seeta
Photo taken in the Delaram district of Nimroz province by Marko Djurica/REUTERS
Seeta,
This story is heartbreaking. I cannot believe all of the pain and anguish Farida must have felt and still be feeling. I wish there was a way for her story to be heard all over the world. I will be thinking of her every day. Your writing is wonderul and you are able to share someone elses story for them which is a true gift. I am so sorry Farida is still suffering and I wish she could be reunited with her family.
I cannot imagine how Farida has the strength to live with such unhappiness. How kind of you to share her story so she now might be able to reconnect with her family. It is unfortunate that divorce is considered so shameful that she cannot live her life in peace. I hope that you continue to tell more stories like this so that readers can get a sense of what Afghan woman endure.
Though this is a very sad tale, it is great that you are able to tell it and give recognition to the hardships the Afghan women face. Your story telling is not only beautiful, but it is also empowering and though you may not feel your actions have helped, Farida does now have the support of communication with her family. I’m sure this does wonders for her happiness. Be proud of your work and the rally your people participated in to take action for this young girl.
It is very sad and unfair that Farida has to live with such unhappiness. You did a wonderful job of telling her story and I’m sure she is very grateful for what you have done for her. This piece was very well-written and you are an excellent storyteller. Thank you for sharing this. I hope to read more from you in the future.
Seeta,
Thank you for sharing Farida’s heartbreaking story. It is certainly unfair the way women are married off by their families, and you illustrate that beautifully with your story. It is wonderful that women like you are there to help and tell these stories.
Hi, Seeta. The story you told us is very sad.
You said that it was very unfair that a woman is forced to live with a psychotic person. In fact, it is totally unfair and cruel that any woman is obliged to take a man as her husband when she doesn’t love him. I think human feelings are above any kind of cultural aspects.
Hugs,
Renata, from Brazil.
This story truly captures the hardship behind arranged marriages. I cannot imagine being forced to spend the rest of your life with a stranger, let alone someone who is mentally unstable. It is sad that duty and tradition are placed before a person’s true happiness. I hope that story-telling such as this can help make a change in this unfair treatment of young girls.
Seeta, I’m so sorry to hear the awful things you courageous women must go through. I also appreciate you sharing the stories so educate all of us around the world.
Farida has had a very sad life. Kudos go out to the women of Farah. They are the ones who actually helped Farida. The mayor only set out the arrests because of them, so thank you. I cried when I read this. Thinking of all the women who might have been through this is heartbreaking. If there is anyway for me and America to help out, please let me know via email.
this essay was very interesting and it was really heartbreaking to read
Its really great that the AWWproject is doing this for women that want to write like this.
I do not know how a young girl could survive that. I think of when I was in high school. Had it happened to me, I do not think that I could’ve survived it…Her mother was also very brave to go to the authorities. I know that they often do very little to help. Still, this girl is living a nightmare, separated from the only people who really care about her. However, I do think that this is also a warning for families to investigate these potential grooms more seriously. Who cares if he’s the richest man in Afghanistan? If he will torture the daughter that you were graced by Allah to be given, then there are no coins that will pay off your shame…You write beautifully about a dark subject. I hope that women like you will be able to influence the policymakers of your country to stop things like this…
What an amazing story. Can someone get Farida a pen and paper, as her story is the most compelling. The world needs to know what her daily life is like and how she continues to survive under such brutal circumstances.