Such pain cannot be shared.
No one is here to share it with.
Such pain cannot be conquered.
Captured in a jail,
unlocked doors and open windows,
I am not free.
The pain my love pounded in me
is like a stone, heavy and hard.
My love for him
can’t lift it from within.

Every time I think
about the coming moment,
my heart beats fast.
I can’t stop the hammer,
try to make my thoughts go away,
but the pounding continues.

I want to be free,
on my own.
I want to fly, dance
in the rhythm of my favorite song.
I want to be the support for others.
I don’t want to care for the future, just
for this moment—that is what makes me
who I am.
I want to leave behind the opinions
of those around me—my husband, child,
in-laws, my parents, sister, brother, all of them.
I want to listen to my heart,
see what it wants me to live.
I want to breathe
for my daughter, for her loving face.
I can’t bear the thought of letting go
of her innocent hand. I want to hold
her forever in my arms and in my life.

My life is a cage for me now.

I feel alone in this nest, the only canary
with no hope for life.
The only bird with me is my daughter.
Her shining face gives me the chance
for another life.
My hard work, my patience
have gone into the last stage of their time.
I want to cry, shout,
tell him how much it hurts
but I feel helpless,
can’t share this with him.
I wish I could unravel
this pain
but then I think
he will taunt me
for the rest of the night.

Such pain cannot be shared.
Such pain cannot be conquered.
The only way is to wait and wait and wait and wait.
Answers to my good deeds will someday come my way.

By Pakiza

Photo by Jean Bernard