I entered a room with many people dressed in black and, crying through my thick black scarf, I saw the picture of my father on the table. My face became red and my eyes became so puffy from crying that I couldn’t open them. After a while I couldn’t hear my own crying; I could only feel my mother’s hand on my head.
For weeks afterward, people came to our house to visit us, but I felt alone. During this time, my older sisters became closer to me than before. We went everywhere together, discussed everything, and made plans together. We had good times and got to know one another better.
After my father’s death, my oldest sister told me she was responsible for me because she was older. She cared about me; she was mature and successful and I listened to her. She had a bachelor’s degree in computers and worked as a general manager in an office, earning much money for the family. I wanted to grow up and become like her. She knew how to talk to all kinds of people regardless of whether they had a higher education or were illiterate. If you want to be a good communicator, she told me, you have to learn about what interests people.
I felt less alone with someone nearby to help me solve problems the way my father used to. For each decision, I waited for her guidance. She influenced me so much by her behavior, such as not fighting with my siblings. She paid for my school and advised me about problems with teachers. She was like a god and I listened to her messages each time. She controlled everything at home so each person in our family didn’t feel lacking in anything.
After several months this changed. She was angry. She fought about little things. She was having problems with her job. Finally she told me that she wanted to leave the house because she couldn’t control things as well as before and not long after that she moved to Sudan. I waited for her to email me, or maybe send money for the house or my university. I was confused about what happened. It was depressing, hearing no news from my sister.
I really needed money. I couldn’t go to university without money for transportation. I couldn’t shop the way I wanted like before. Finally I received an email from her. She couldn’t help me anymore.
After thinking about this for a long time, I decided I must find a full-time job. I searched, and asked my friends and teachers to help me find a good job. After three months, I found an office job. Now I earn my own way. Working and studying was hard at first but it gets better.
As result, now I support myself and make my own decisions. Sometimes I may be wrong, but I am happy that I can make decisions without relying on anyone. I miss my father very much, and I am sad that my sister is so far away. But I have learned that I can solve my problems and support myself. Sometimes, losing something in your life causes you to know your abilities and grow up. I now understand the meaning of independence.
By Mona
Photo: Carl De Souza/AFP/Getty Images
That was an enheartening liturgy for me, and addressed some problems I have with my family in our Western world. I thank God for letting you have strength to go on your own.
It s a very touching story. Mona is a very good and clever girl. She will certainly have a very intrsting life.
Mona,
Thank you for sharing your story. Your writing is clear and direct, and it moved me very much. I am so sorry for the loss of your father, but he would be enormously proud of your strength and independence. I am sure that you will do important work in the future.
Dear Mona,
Your story touched me as I, too, have lost people. It seems to be something we all have to go through. You are so right: this is what makes us grow up, and learn to be independent. I hope you will continue to have sisters and other people around you as you grow in your job and life. Thanks for sharing this essay!
There is a saying that when one door closes, another opens. It would seem that a door was opened into independence and you walked through. I’m inspired by your courage. This is impressive writing too. Well done!
Dear Mona,
WOW! is all I can say. You have been through terrible times and come out stronger and wiser. May you continue your work and your studies.
I look forward to more of your writing.
Warmly,
Liz
Dear All,
Thank you so Much from all of you that you read my story and you share you feelings with me. I am happy that i read you comments.
Thanks Again
Dear Mona,
My Name is Alayna and I am a first year transfer student at Saint Mary’s College of California. I am so sorry about your father. Losing anyone close to you is something very difficult to go through. You are such a strong person to pick yourself up after everything you have gone through. After my grandma died I did not know how to move on. We were so close and I felt so lost without her presence and her guidance. But your story has proven to me that death of a loved one is heartbreaking, but there is also a positive. After the death of my grandma, our family came so much closer. It was like a blessing in disguise. We began to depend more on each other rather than on ourselves, just like your family. You have been through so much, but you have become wiser and stronger. Those qualities will take you a long way. It takes a strong person to overcome what you went through and find a way to succeed on your own. I think independence is so important in life because you are not always going to have someone to make a decision for you. By making your own choices you show confidence and self-reliance. That is what I am striving for myself by going to college away from home. I want to grow as a person and be able to make my own decisions, but I know my family will be there to help no matter what. I am sorry you lost loved ones, but I am happy that you found what you are capable of doing. I hope I can do the same and be able to support myself without relying too much on others. Thanks for sharing your inspiring story! Take care and God bless!
Sincerely,
Alayna
Clear, assertive and attaching. This is what I can say about you piece. I am so proud of you as a independent woman, and I hope all Afghan women become independent someday and make their own decisions as you do.
Thank you for sharing this. Please keep up you good work.
Fatima H.
Dear Mona,
I think that the Afghan Women’s Writing Project is a great thing. I think that anytime somebody is given the opportunity to express themself and their ideas it is great. This is exactly what the Afghan Women’s Writing Project does for you and all of the other members of the group. I thoroughly enjoyed reading about your perspectives on things that not only are happening in the country of Afghanistan but also the entire world. My favorite piece of yours that I wrote was the one on college. It was very enjoyable reading another perspective on college as my peers and I go through the college application process and start to look towards our future. It is quite interesting discovering the differences between college in the United States and college in Afghanistan. I also enjoyed reading the story “Finding Independence”. The writing was beautifully done. You did a phenomenal job in the writing and it really showed your transformation as a person after the tragic death of your father. From this and the other stories, you seem like a very good person. It seem like you have your priorities straight and do a great job looking out for not only yourself but also others.
I am very glad that I read your stories. Any time that I am able to get some perspective from somebody in a different country I consider it a positive. It opens up my eyes to the things, good and bad, that go on in different cultures. I hope you continue to write and express your feelings.
Sorry for your loss, very well written!