When I am walking in the street
it’s like walking in a dark jungle and knowing wolves are at the ready.
I can feel them looking at me with red eyes
and searching for a moment.
When I am sleeping, I am waiting for someone to come and shoot me
and with the start of each day I am more alone than before.
I am an alone girl
standing among all these wild people
trying to be strong and help them.
They are not wild because they want to be but because they learned to be.
They learned to be cruel
and see an alone girl as a bad girl.
They learned to know her as a danger to their families and daughters,
they learned to see her as someone who sells herself,
they learned to throw her away,
they learned to annoy her, to break her, to leave her and to hate her.
They never thought she is human.
Only and only because she is a girl and her fault is to be alone.
She did not want to be alone;
she did not choose this life and she does not like it
and if she is alone that does not mean she is a bad girl,
it does not mean she doesn’t have the right to leave,
or that she can’t be a part of this society.
Sometimes I am tired of being an alone girl,
I am tired of people looking at me as a bad girl.
I am tired of hearing the bad words
they enjoy when they can’t touch me.
I am tired of them making fun of me so that I don’t go out again—
I am tired of them looking at my body
and separating me from other people with their eyes
I wish when they see me they would give me a small smile—
but I will never accept their hate
and I will never quietly listen to them
and I will never let them to break me
and I will never be silent.
Photo: Nel from the BBC production “Women, Weddings, War and Me.”