One day when I was about seven years old, I was carrying my six-month-old brother in my arms and waiting for my mother on the corner of a quiet Kabul street. My brother was so heavy that I could hardly carry him. I was getting tired.
Suddenly, a scary-looking man with a long beard ran toward me from the other side of the street. The moment I saw him, I felt frightened. Why was he running? Why was he looking at me with an angry face?
The closer he came, the faster my heart pounded. I almost stopped breathing when he stopped beside me and looked deep into my eyes as if he wanted to eat me. Suddenly, he took my brother out of my arms, grabbed my hand, and forced me to run away from where I was waiting for my mother.
“Where are you taking me? Leave me and my brother alone!” I shrieked.
My heart was beating faster than a mouse; all my body was shaking with fear. I thought I wouldn’t see my mother again. I thought I wouldn’t see my family again.
Luckily, three women saw us from the other end of the street. They ran toward us shouting, “Please stop him! Block his way! Oh people, he is kidnapping the kids!”
The man was scared of getting arrested, so he threw my brother in the mud, abandoned my hands, and ran away.
I learned from this incident that we can’t know what is in everyone’s mind and we cannot trust everyone we see in the street.
By Alia, age 13
Powerful and insightful. “He looked deep into my eyes as if he wanted to eat me.” –this line moved me and I felt such fear for this child. Also “we can’t know what is in everyone’s mind” —I have felt this way when I was young here in the U.S. I also have felt that fear when I was a child too. You have a great writing talent and an old soul, keep writing please.
I’m so glad you wrote this, Alia. I felt your fear. It was so good you cried out and the women helped you. Powerful writing–you have a great voice and ability to make your readers experience these events.
Such a frightening story–I’m so grateful that you thought fast on your feet and that you were seen in time before anything else could happen. You do a great job sharing this story, Alia. Gripping all the way through. Great work. Stacy
This was a nicely-paced piece. I really felt the tension building and felt your child-like fear. Thanks for sharing.
This story came alive with your words. You told it beautifully!
You captured a moment. And shared it with us. Thanks.
Dear Alia,
What a terrifying experience! Your quick response saved both yourself and your brother. Thank you for sharing this story. Telling our stories is a powerful way to not let our fears overwhelm us. You are a brave girl and a good writer. I’m proud of you.
Your mentor,
Gabrielle
Dear Alia,
I am so glad you published this story. It is alive with your fear. Thanks for sharing it with us all!
Best to you,
Meg
Wow! Alia, your story was so frightening and tense! I read with my heart pumping to find out what would happen next – I felt like I was there even though I knew it happened years ago. I’m so glad it turned out ok thanks to your bravery and that of the three women who helped. Thanks for writing such a great story,
Sophie
Oh my, Alia. How scared you must have been! As I was reading, I was afraid for you and your brother, too–that’s how real it seemed! I am just glad you are both safe now. Thank you for sharing this and keep on writing!
Best wishes to you always,
Bethany
Dearest Alia:
I am so much thankful to our Allah ( Almighty God) That he helped you and your brother in the right time. If not who could write such a story for us?
I read your story and understood what you wanted to say in your words.
Please write more stories and remember that you will be a famous writer one day!
Love
N
This was amazingly written with lots of details and a meaningful message. If you choose, i think you can be a great author.
Your stories are very interesting, yet sad at the same time. Keep Writing!
Dear Alia,
This story really touched me. It made me appreciate my community and how we can actually trust the people on the streets. It must have been so scary to see a stranger just run up and snatch you and your little brother but thankfully, there a good people out there who care for you and helped you just at the right time. Thank you for sharing this and best of luck to you.
Sincerely,
Matthew
Dear Alia,
Without much thought, I can definitely deduct that you are a very brave young woman. I do not know many people that would willingly stand up to a grown man with a threatening face, especially when it wasn’t to save your own hide, but your brother’s. It was lucky that some caring women came to assist you in getting rid of the man, but I believe the true hero of this story is you. I encourage you to continue what you do, knowing that your family is the most important aspect of your life and that they will always look out for you.
Sincerely,
Charles Z 43299
Dear Alia,
Your story really spoke to me. Never have I imagined someone in my neighborhood or town being kidnapped in plain sight. Your story really opened up a new world for me, and I am very glad that you were able to escape from the man. Hopefully you will never have to relive such a terrifying situation again. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Sincerely,
Eric Chong 43229
Your story, Alia, is one of true fear, and one of very much luck. I can’t imagine being in an quiet street, and suddenly a stranger wanders by, and grabs my sibling and my hand, but yet you had courage to fight back . There are certainly many dangers you might be facing in those streets, and thank god that at that time, three women had rescued you from unimaginable dangers. I hope that you can continue writing stories, and pray that you will not get into any of these terrifying situations again.
Alia, I’m honestly shocked that something like this would even happen, but not only that I’m surprised that you were even able to speak, much less scream under that pressure I know I wouldn’t have. I’m glad that no harm came to you and I hope nothing like this happens again to you, for experiencing this once must be bad enough.
Dear Alia,
Your story was one that made others sympathize with you yet feel good after finding out both you and your brother were safe. The three women at the other end of the street at that time are people we need everyday in this world. Telling us this story shows us how fortunate we are and lets others find the joy in daily life. I really enjoyed reading this story and I am sure everyone else did as well!
Thanks!
Eric S 43229
Alia,
Your work demands to be read by everyone. I mean that. I have deep respect and compassion for you and your journey. You have the potential to make this happen. Spot on.
Since you are being brave, I will do the same in my being the first one to give you a constructive but hopefully helpful critique. Your story is certainly alarming, and I’m so thankful for your courage. Many in your situation would be caught like a deer in the headlights. The perpetrator EXPECTED you to be one of those many. It is important to note that your response to the criminal was in fact the exact opposite of how he expected you to react. Not only was he scared of getting arrested, he was scared of a woman, in fact a young girl, who could speak her mind and defend her family!
Your writing is definitely evocative–i can only begin to imagine the images you create with your text. To take this a step further, you can try varying your sentence structure even more than you do already. Short sentences give a sense of urgency, for example. You could also play with word choice (diction) and if possible make your descriptions more vivid. Tell us how you felt while this was going on, draw the reader in through use of pathos.
Your story needs to be told. Draw the reader in by packing a punch in the opening sentence. Something like “A dozen words is the difference between life and death. I learned this at age 7…”
Similarly, end strongly. “I learned from this” is not necessary; it is implied.
Best of luck to you. Continue to stand up for yourself, and the world will go far.
Alia, i first want to say that i wish you the best of luck in your life. You are definetly a very strong person to deal with such horrible things like these in the world. I am also 13 years old and i can say that i would not even comfront the man, and I would be scared to death. Your story was so descriptive and i could process every word. The fact that some people have to live like this is absolutely horrendous. Just do not give up and fight every evil thing that confronts you. I hope you the best of luck.
You are a strong and brave soul to be faced with such dangers. Thank goodness three other women came to your aid. You have vivid writing, carrying a strong voice. I wish your family will be safe for the future.
Dear Alia,
Wow! This story is so interesting! I’m so glad you thought fast enough to get help from others to keep you and your brother safe. This must have been a terrifying experience for you, but I’m glad you shared it with us.
Best wishes,
Connie Z 4342
Alia,
Your encounter seems extremely frightening. Your writing drew me in, and at times, caught me in suspense. I am very relieved that though on such dangerous streets, there is always safety to be found. You are a very talented author indeed, and I wish to read more from you.
Stay Safe,
Shawin
Dear Alia,
This story is both amazing and descriptive. I enjoyed reading it, and is glad that you and your brother are safe. It must be frightening when the man ran towards you, especially since you were just seven. I am glad that you are all right and safe. As I read this story, I felt the panic you were feeling back then. The story is beautifully written, and teaches us a lesson. It tells us that you should not trust everyone you see.
Dear Alia:
It is so nice you wrote this, the words arte very powerful, you brought me into the position you are in and I can feel you fear through out your words. Very glad that there is the three womens right there to save you
Dear Alia,
The scene you paint in your writing is very powerful and moving. You manage to convey a deep message- that, sometimes, kindness surfaces at just the right moment.
Keep writing,
Kevin (4342)
Dear Alia,
That must have been so frightening. I am glad that you got away and that even though one man tried to kidnap you, the help of others saved you. Thank you for sharing your story. You are an inspiration.
Janna