When I think of early marriage—forced marriage—I become mad and helpless. I have no tolerance for it. I want to shout out loud, so that all creatures of God could hear me.
Early marriages are harmful to girls because they are still children and don’t understand what is going on in the world. A girl of twelve to eighteen is not a grown person. She is not ready to begin a new life. Her body is not ready, not according to science, psychology, knowledge, or logic. A child doesn’t have sexual interests.
Childhood is a time to enjoy moments with her toys and find out which kind of sports she likes; what she is good at. Marriage is like a school; a university with rules and laws. It is not play. How can we expect a child to build a family? How can a child be mother of another child?
I have seen girls marry and become mothers as young as twelve years old. Many die every day in maternity hospitals. The jihadi leaders misuse religion and marry young girls, not just for the first time, but as second, third, and fourth wives.
Why does a family sell its daughters in marriage? I think it is wildness, a madness, and a lack of knowledge and a lack of humanity that causes a family to sell its young daughters. I don’t agree that if a family is poor that the father or brother then has the right to sell a girl. Poverty is no excuse. Women are not like clothes to be sold in the market.
Unfortunately we see that in my country in order to stay alive, girls must sacrifice their lives and their futures and accept marriage at an early age.
A form of slavery
For a man it is a dream to have a young teenage bride, a wife who is fresh like an apple, a girl whom he can play with, plan her dreams, her future, and her destiny as if she were a toy.
But what is it like for the girl? The man who buys a young girl holds her future and destiny in his hands. She must do as he says. It is worse than slavery.
Families who support and accept these marriages believe that if a girl is married early she can understand her in-laws and her husband better because she has grown up in their house. She is less likely to ignore them or disagree with them if she is young.
They believe if she becomes a mother at a young age she has plenty of energy and will still be young when her children are grown up. There are many examples of early marriages where it is hard to know who in the wedding party is the mother-in-law and who is the sister-in-law because they are almost the same age.
These families also misunderstand education for girls. They think if a girl leaves the house, she will learn too much about life and be considered a “cheap” woman.
They think the only important destiny for a girl is marriage. The girls accept early marriage because it is tradition.
I wish my pen could draw the feelings of those broken hearts of Afghan girls who are victims of forced marriages. They come from wrong beliefs about our religion, a lack of law enforcement, and the fact that the girls don’t know their rights.
By N.
This essay continues in Early Marriage: Not the Only Destiny. AWWP’s writing on child marriage is being shared with Breakthrough’s campaign, “Nation Against Early Marriage.” Photo by Jodi Cobb.
beautifully written essay. Keep on writing!
Dear N: The argument against early marriage does not get anymore clear and urgent than it does here. You make the case extremely well. I hesitate to even use the phrase “make the case” because all of this should be so clear and obvious that no case should never need to be made. Girls should be allowed to have a childhood, and to grow up, before even beginning to think of being a wife or starting a family. Thank you for lending your eloquence to this very important topic, this world girl crisis. Stacy
This is such a well thought out, powerfully written argument against early marriage — well done! It is clear from your essay that the problem is that women are often thought of as “clothes to be sold in the market” by men who also think that women have no right to arrange their own destiny. I know you are working hard to make sure women know their rights — and this strong essay lets us all in on the struggles of the women of your country. You are spreading important truths. I’m so honored to have gotten to work on this with you and I’m looking forward to reading Part 2! Nancy
Dear N.,
Thank you for speaking out so powerfully against early marriage for young girls. These innocent children who are forced to give birth before their bodies, minds and spirits are ready are indeed living in slavery. Please know that I pray for freedom for women in your country and all over the world. Thank you for your words. Therese
Bravo, it is about time that the world hear the Afghan women/girls real life story. The life that is chosen for them.
How long Afghan women’s stories should be kept in secret, and these are not the adult women story, it is the child women story
Dear N,
I second your thoughts on early marriages. It’s a disease that has taken over many traditional societies of the world, and the problem worsens when a young teenager has to bear the pains of motherhood when she is unable to understand the complications of life. You come from Afghanistan, but even in Urban settings of traditional societies like Pakistan, you find various examples of getting girls married off at a very young age. For girls who cross the tender age of 22-25, getting a suitable marriage proposal becomes a menace, so much so that many a time girls go into depression because of the societal pressures. I wholeheartedly agree with you that religion is always misused by the people to mould things to their advantage -a phrase I have been consistently using on a lot of forums.
I would also like to add that I not only oppose early marriage of teenage girls in traditional and highly patriarchal societies like ours, but I equally oppose teen pregnancies that occur in the West (though they aren’t forced but still, the repercussions of childbearing at a young age are pretty much the same).
Thank you for voicing against patriarchy, human rights violation, and suppression. More power to you!