Uncertainty of the Heart

woman and young girl praying

Why is it that when you want to laugh, you can’t. And then sometimes when you want to cry, you find no tears to shed? It is a very unpredictable life when we can’t have control over our wishes or even feelings like joy and sadness.

I do not know why, but office hours are as busy as ever and so is the home environment. I have my family, my kids—my daughter who is four years and my two-year-old son. They want me to be happy and they play with me, yet in retrospect, even when we play I feel so tense that I want to go in a dark room and cry and scream to make my heart feel light.

Why is this so? I don’t know. Stressed? Depressed? Bored? What do you do to overcome it? My diet has gone. I feel weak, unable to bear conversation, the laughter of my kids, the TV comedies. I feel lonely even with everyone around. Sometimes I wish I were born in the calm and serene countryside. There is a saying that “music feeds the soul.” But that does not work either. This can’t be overcome with a bit of music. I need a solution that affects deep down in my heart.

In our Holy Book it is written, “Remember Allah as his remembrance gives strength to the hearts.” I believe in that. In times of sadness or loneliness, I turn to him. His remembrance gifts me with tears, soothes my heart, and my soul becomes fresh with a lightness of heart and body.

Our Islamic Studies teacher suggested we should choose a best friend, one who can be of help with all problems and who can be there whenever you need him, day or night. We replied to her that this kind of friend is not possible to find in this world.

She laughed and said, Allah can be that kind of friend. She was 100 percent right. No one is better than Allah. He is the best of friends. You can turn to him in times of happiness and despair. He is always there to listen to you and to respond.

If one did not have the ups and downs of life there would be no one who turned to him. May we be the best of creatures he has on Earth.

By Saifora

Photo by Paula Bronstein


Comments

  1. Beautiful piece, Saifora. I think that all readers–especially women– will be able to relate to what you wrote, especially if they are mothers. Thank you for allowing us this window into your world, and for showing us the blessed way you find solace, relief. Stacy

  2. Dear Saifora,
    Thank you for your beautiful story. May you find peace always.
    Pat

  3. Kat Fitzpatrick says:

    Thank you for writing. This is a very moving piece.
    Kat

  4. I am continually surprised and humbled by the messages of hope found in the words of every woman who writes for the AWWP. Thank you for these lovely, inspiring words, Saifora.

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