On Marriage and Forgiveness

afghan-family-walking-away

Mistakes are mistakes, whether one’s commitment is being single or being married. So why is the forgiveness scale not the same for both?

If I committed a mistake when I was in my father’s family, I was just told not to repeat it and I was never reminded of it again. I was not reminded of an instance that would only depress me and bring me down.

But when I make mistakes in my married life, even though I apologize many times and promise not to do it again, they are repeated to me again and again. I do not feel that I need to be reminded of those mistakes over and over. This problem affects my morale and is depressing. I feel pressured and this affects memory, health, and my family. I sit in isolation. I start thinking about only myself and I even feel as if I might launch an attack on my life.

My love for the world, for life, and for family is fading from my heart and mind. There is no one with whom I can share my pain, concerns, and these unforgiven mistakes—things that were not even mistakes in my view. Just because another person does not like some traits does not mean they are a mistake.

Why must this be so? Why can’t couples accept each other’s differences? Humans have different likes and dislikes, different habits and different tastes. It is good that we commit to be together and to make a family. If I have the willpower to see, feel, observe, and still forgive and never keep reminding someone of the things that I do not like, why can’t I hope for the same behavior in response?

The causes of the biggest tensions are the kids. I want to be a good mother, a caring mother, and a role model for my children. They are old enough to understand what we discuss and share. I feel that we should alter our likes and dislikes for the sake of the good it can do for our kids. They are our future; they will be the ones who will keep our good names alive and they will be our ultimate achievement in this world and after death.

For all my life’s Master’s and Ph.D. degrees, the most important degree would be to do a good job for my children. Whatever I do now is for them and to have a stable, happy, and prosperous family.

But for good human beings, forgiveness is the best attribute people should possess. This trait can make a family, a society, a country, and the whole world a peaceful place for people to live together.

Without forgiveness, when mistrust and tension take over, attacks are launched that can lead to disease and death, though no war is declared and no gun is fired.

By Saifora

Photo by Kenneth Taylor, Jr.


Comments

  1. Alice Bullard says:

    Dear Saifora,
    You have someone you can speak to. You can speak to the readers of the AWWP!
    You are not alone. There is a whole community of readers who will hear your stories and feel your emotions, whether happy or painful.
    It is wrong of your husband’s family to be so critical of you. You need to know that. It is wrong of them and they are not living good lives if they give you a hard time.
    You need to stay strong in yourself! You need to know that you are a better person than the people around you because you understand how to love and how to forgive. Try to teach them how to forgive. It is not easy to teach people who are proud and commanding, but maybe you can do it!
    Raising children is always difficult! Disputes about the children can create a lot of arguments in the family. That happens in almost all families. I hope that you can always protect your children and give them huge amounts of love and affection! Teach them to respect you! Teach them that you are a person deserving of love and honor. They will be your allies and supporters!
    Be sure to write again. You are not alone. You deserve a good life. My heart goes out to you.
    Alice

  2. Dear Saifora: We can feel your hurt and pain through your words. It is a terrible feeling to be blamed, over and over. It is awful when those who love us seem incapable of forgiving, or forgetting. It creates terrible tension–like a black fog that we can’t escape. As Alice said, you are not alone. You at least can write and share with us. But generally, you are definitely not alone. People so easily take out their frustrations on each other. I just think that your plea for forgiveness is one that we should all follow. We all need forgiveness. We all need to forgive! Stacy

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