It was hard, but I watched the video of Rukhshana being stoned by the stone-hearted men. This is the first time I dared to watch such a heartbreaking video. I cried as I saw how defenseless and fragile she was, trying to protect herself against the storm of ignorance and the stones thrown by the inhuman men.
I was also sad reading the news about how Rukhshana was forced by her father to marry a very old man. I condemn her father for that. He did not value his daughter’s life, did not hear her voice, and did not understand her feelings. He sold his daughter for money, like a car or a house, to an old man. The bigger the payment, the easier it was for him to make the deal.
Women in Afghanistan have no hope of being defended by their own families against the brutal gender discriminatory customs of their tribes. Rukhshana’s father had no choice but to accept his daughter’s sentence but he is not innocent. He played an indirect but strong role in her death. If he had not sold her to a man she objected to, she would be alive.
In Afghanistan even the family—the institution that is supposed to be one’s center of peace and support on earth—discriminates against women and fails to protect them. How can we expect strangers to feel empathy for us when we abandon our own loved ones?
I cannot imagine the difficulties the beautiful Rukhshana had to go through when she was forced to marry a man 35 years older. Her life was so difficult that she decided it was worth the risk to escape, but then the community members and her ex-husband forced her to return. To resolve the dispute between Rukhshana’s ex-husband and her lover, the young man’s sister then was reportedly forced to marry Rukhshana’s ex-husband. So that dispute was resolved again at the expense of a girl’s life. Another innocent girl was victimized. How can anyone accept this as just?
These events show how worthless and meaningless a woman’s life and feelings are to those men. But the story does not end here. When Rukhshana was returned to her family there were many marriage proposals made. Her father forced her to marry a second time. She attempted to escape again, but this time she faced the informal religious trial which ended in her death by stoning. The mullah who judged Rukhshana and ordered the stoning was the brother of one of the men whose marriage proposal Rukhshana had rejected. How fair could this trial have been?
It deeply upsets me that Rukhshana’s beauty put her in danger. She became a victim of her beauty when she rejected the marriage proposals from the old men. I pity those men who are so selfish they will ruin a beautiful young girl’s life—first they kill her dreams and her soul, then they stone her to death.
Rukhshana’s story is a painful example of women living under a patriarchal society where being a female means only suffering. This is a society where government institutions are weak, untrustworthy, and unaccountable and where the informal institutions rely on unfair and incorrect traditional and religious values. It will not end until there is a change in the mindset of the people, until civil society and human rights organizations get stronger, and until the government is held to account. Government must monitor and punish the informal institutions and individuals who break the rule of law and violate human dignity.
I pray for the beautiful Rukhshana to rest in peace. I want all the Afghan women to remain strong, resilient, and responsible. We can be Rukhshana’s voice by fighting against the injustice of her death.
By Fatima G.
The people who did this are cowards. Shame on them, they are not Muslim, but followers of Satan.
Fatima — Your essay showed me that there was more to this story than what we heard — so much more horrible than we knew. The fact that Rukhshana’s sister was married to the same older man that Rukhshana was promised to and that Rukhshana was judged by a relative of a man she rejected is appalling and makes me heartsick. Thank you for telling us the whole story — and thank you, especially, for your brave words about what must happen in order to correct these injustices to women — “Government must monitor and punish the informal institutions and individuals who break the rule of law and violate human dignity.” Please keep writing to shine a light on this. All best wishes, Nancy
Fatima, I am so happy to see your work on the blog! I can’t wait to read more of your writing. Best wishes, Ashley
Dear Fatima,
Thank you for enduring the pain of watching the whole video, in order to educate us. Your essay puts all women and girls in Rukshana’s place. Note how all the men have covered their faces. They are cowards. Don’t they know that God can see through those masks? And that the same dirt and rock that Rukshana lies under will cave in upon them as well. But no one will remember them. But we, across the world, will remember Rukshana and speak her name with pride.
Thank you for your courage,
Pegi
I really dont know what is going on to this country ,where is human right ?theres everyone to stoned her is none muslims ,this is not islam .thank you for sharing .
Dear Fatima,
Thank you for sharing this story and I am deeply hurt by it. I understand how hard it must have been to watch Rukhshana’s horrifying death. It hurts me to see that women are treated so unfairly. Where are their human rights? It is appalling to read about these extreme unjust acts of violence. When I read that Rukhshana’s sister was then forced to marry her ex-husband, it made me devastated. It is unfair to see these women treated unfairly and to see their lives slowly being taken away. It is extremely corrupt to see that the brother of one of the men Rukshana rejected to marry had charged her with her death penalty. Even worse, it hurts that her father did not consult with her and did not take her feelings into account. Selling his daughter for money is extremely disgusting. Thank you for sharing this story to the rest of us. It is important to spread awareness of the gender inequality in Afghanistan. It is crucial for the rest of the world to identify and help solve this problem. It is an enormous issue and as a girl, I feel that women should be treated equally as men. It is unfair to see gender inequalities in different places.
Thank you,
Arya
This story cuts deep into anyone reading it. The tragic loss of such a young life at such a young age makes the story heartbreaking. Rukshana had her entire life in front of her. She had dreams, aspirations, and goals in her life. But these were all ripped from her in a cruel show of inhumanity. Forced to pledge her maidenhood to someone who she did not want to be with, someone who was much older than her, I imagine Rukshana beared unimaginable pain inside her. This goes to show the amount of freedom allowed to young women in Afghanistan, or rather, the lack thereof. Even that considered one of the most holy institutions in the world, a family, is powerless against societal norms created solely to discriminate and regulate a single gender. Beauty, considered a good characteristic in the western world, can often be considered a curse in societies that limit the freedoms, rights, and privileges allotted to women. Those with beautiful characteristics may be condemned to a life of servitude to men. The stoning and public humiliation inflicted upon Rukshana also demonstrate another facet to the story: those who resist are punished.
Dear Fatima,
Thank you for sharing your story and going through the pain of watching the stoning video so we can all better understand the horrors happening to Afghani women. While reading your story, it horrified me just how badly women are seen and treated in Afghanistan and just how little hope many have. Where is equality? Where is fairness? Where is justice, especially for women like Rukshana who did nothing wrong? I hope that the situation of women in Afghanistan improves and men start seeing women as their equals, not somebody to be subjugated. I also hope that someday the government and other forces decide to take gender inequality and the role of women as serious issues that need to be dealt with. Until then, I wish you the best of luck in dealing with this horrifying patriarchy. Regarding your writing, I especially admire how you included your personal reaction to the story when discussing what happened to Rukhshana. It allowed all of us to truly feel outrage alongside you and enabled a visceral connection to be made between us and the story. I also admire how you related Rukhshana’s story and the outrage it made you feel to the general condition of Afghani women across the nation, which spread awareness of the horrible situation in Afghanistan. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us all.
Sincerely,
Akaash
Dear Fatima,
First I feel so bad for Rukhshana being stoned. She is just trying to fight for herself, but it seems like the whole society doesn’t understand her. I could never understand what those people were thinking when they threw stones to this defenseless girl. We have to admit that everywhere in this world, women are not gaining their proper rights. One thing I am glad, is that at least Rukhshana fought for herself, not sitting there and remaining silent. I believe that there will be more and more women fighters standing out, and speaking for women. We have already passed the period of men being the best, everyone is equal, and they should be treated equally. What men can do, women can do it as well! Thank you for sharing your writing, which makes me learn a lot!
Dear Fatima, your essay has helped me learn so much more about the unjust brutality towards Afghan women. Thank you for educating me on what happened to Rukhshana. No one deserves to be stoned to death, especially an innocent young woman with no defense mechanism . It dumbfounded me how her own family could betray her, ultimately leading to her death. She deserved so much better and I strongly believe she would’ve had a bright life infront of her if it wasn’t for how unfair society was. I can’t imagine how difficult it must have been watching her get murdered, and I hope you will not have to watch anything so horrendous ever again. Afghan women deserve independence and freedom, and I will make sure to stand by you in the fight for their justice.
Dear Fatima,
I cannot express to you how much your writing touched me. It was heartbreaking how undervalued the women are – living in homes that give none of a home’s love and comfort, being used like property to settle disputes, forced against their will into situations that shatter their lives, and not being given autonomy over their own lives. As you said, there were “ignorance and the stones thrown by the inhuman men,” and I can’t think of a better way to phrase the situation. How long will so many people have to suffer because of this ignorance? Thank you for sharing your story so that we can all better understand one another and join you in the fight against the injustice of Rukhshana’s death. May she rest in peace.