It was August 2015 and I was on my way to school, listening to Akele Tanha, an Indian song that our school bus driver Kaka was playing. I was watching the people in their cars and thinking whether or not they seemed good in character from their faces. When I met their eyes most of them brought a kind of a fear to my heart. They seemed to look at me as an object, not a person who has the right to study or have any other rights. Trusting people is difficult for me after all that has happened in my country. I felt they wanted to hurt me.
Twenty minutes later I reached school, taking the steps to get to my class on the third floor. I felt someone behind me and it was Fariha, my best friend ever. We went to the class together. I sat on my chair taking my books out of my bag while Fariha came over to talk. “Have you done all your homework?’’ Fariha said. “I want to hear a story from you.’’
She loves my stories and jokes so she always wants me to tell her stories. “Of course,’’ I said, “I don’t have any homework to do anyway, so listen carefully.”
I told her a story about my childhood neighbor and friend, Najwa. She lost her father before she was born and her mother was lost in their problems. She didn’t know whether to keep Najwa or to give her to another family to feed her. She kept her as long as she could, but unfortunately when there was no other choice, she gave Najwa at age two to another family. She wanted Najwa to grow up close by so she gave her to one of her neighbors.
They were not rich but they were good enough to feed Najwa. The family didn’t love Najwa, but she loved each member of that family as her own family. When she got old enough she worked all day taking care of the house, the sheep, and the three children she loved as her own brothers. She was doing the hard work of a grownup man during her childhood. I saw how thin she was from working.
When Najwa was thirteen, her mother came several times to bring her back home. But that family did not want to let go of her and kept saying how they would miss such a jewel. They had found a servant for themselves. When Najwa was fifteen and in middle school she worked so much she couldn’t go to all of her lessons at school. But the worst thing was that the family told her she had to marry someone she had never seen. I don’t know how old the man was but I am sure he was much older than Najwa.
Life brought Najwa lots of misfortunes, but she didn’t give up. Whenever I saw Najwa, I saw a smile on her face and it looked as if she didn’t have any problems in life. It put me in a dilemma: if I laughed with her and made her happy, it looked like I was pleased about her situation, but if I cried it might look like I thought of her as a weak and poor girl.
When I finished telling my friend this story we sat there thinking about our country. After these many years of fighting against violence, still we witness children forced to work and forced into early marriage. I love Afghanistan and I am proud of being an Afghan girl. But whenever I see girls being hurt because of their gender, and I see how women are considered to be objects, it hurts me. Afghanistan is my love and my pain.
By Alia, age 15
Photo by 43rd Sustainment Brigade Public Affairs Office
Dear Alia — I’m glad to read your sad, poignant story of Najwa again and remember how how hard you worked to tell this story of your young friend. My heart still hurts reading how you are torn between love and pain for your country. I hope that one day changes will happen to remedy this situation for women and I thank you for giving us a window into what some of the problems are. Love and all best wishes, Nancy
Dear Alia: Thank you for this thoughtful, and thought-provoking essay. I am especially struck by this:
“It put me in a dilemma: if I laughed with her and made her happy, it looked like I was pleased about her situation, but if I cried it might look like I thought of her as a weak and poor girl.” I felt what you meant very much. I was especially moved by the ensuing discussion with your school friend.
This is powerful work, Alia. I am proud of you. Your observations are strong, astute. Keep up the excellent work.
Stacy
Dear Alia, Your story shows not only the circumstance of girls in your country, but even more strongly it shows your compassion and your strong moral character. You are the hope of your country, dear Alia.
–Pat
Lovely Alia, your story is one of the most powerful and profound stories I have ever read! Afghanistan is indeed our love and pain at the same time. Hope your and other Afghan sisters efforts for gender equality will bear fruit, even it is a long time from now. Let’s keep our spirits high!
I would love to read more pieces from you! All the best!
Diba
Asalaam Alia,
I am sorry to hear about the way Afghanistan has become. I’m sorry to hear about the way woman are treated and what many woman have to go through and deal with on a daily basis, no woman should feel unsafe or uncomfortable. Your message/story is powerful you describe the experiences many women go through and the way that they are treated and taken advantage of, how their lives are stripped away from them and how their childhood and the rest of their life is taken away from them and already preplanned. Keep writing your writing is powerful and strong you educate others and show your passion and believe of how woman should be treated, along with describing how many people feel being an afghan myself I Love my country, but I also wish for peace, for equal rights, and for a place that I can come and visit. You’re a light for Afghan woman your someone who spreads the truth and although the truth is not what people want to hear it is what people need to hear. I pray that Allah bring peace to Afghanistan and bring equality and freewill regardless of gender or religion.
Alia,
I feel sorry to know that you receive such a disrespect as a female attending school. All human is equal, no matter what your gender is, you should be allowed to receive education and other rights in your community. It is great to see you speak out for your group. The story about your friend Najwa is so touching. Although she has to live almost as a servant with someone who do not treat her as their family and even request her to marry a stranger, she seems to be so positive and grateful. In face of difficulties, she has a truly brave heart. Such precious quality is hard to develop even in countries with advanced technology. Hopefully, Najwa can live a carefree life afterward.
Dear Alia,
I am extremely sorry about the problems that you have to deal with as a female in the country of Afghanistan. I would also like to thank you for sharing your experiences with the rest of the world so that they may understand what you have had to go through. The story you tell about Najwa is truly moving. The story is also very powerful in the way that it extensively outlines what a woman’s life is like in your home country and how they are treated as lesser than men and end up being treated like servants and not given the equal amount of respect, which are the examples that you give in your story about the life that Najwa lives. Voices like yours are what inspire others to share their experiences about the various forms of injustice that they have faced throughout their lifetimes and any injustices and they continue to face. I love how you describe Afghanistan as your love and pain which conveys the message to the readers that things can be fixed in the future. I hope you continue to write more and more about experiences that you have faced so that you may play a part in the force of fighting for gender equality not only in Afghanistan but around the entire world.
Dear Alia,
Your story and your friend’s story made me realize the hardships women in Afghanistan have to face everyday. Your writing makes readers connect with you, and I’m sorry you and many other women have to go through these issues. You and Najwa seem extremely strong, and I hope that one day, with the help of writers like you, you will not have to feel insecure being who you are. Your story is very well written and makes an impact even if you may not think so. Thank you so much for sharing not only the issues women in Afghanistan face, but also how it affects their friends and family.
Dear Alia,
I am very sorry that you felt hostility from your classmate when you were in school and that you felt you could not trust anyone. You could not control everything that happened in your country, so it was really unfair to you to have to worry about them. However, I am glad to hear that you have a friend who enjoys your stories. I’m sure you must be a wonderful person. The story of your friend Najwa does sadden me too, but it is unfortunately a rather common phenomenon for families who cannot afford to support a child to give them away. I commend you for sharing the story of your friend with us. It allows us to see what the children are going through more clearly and helps to raise awareness to the issue that they are being mistreated. They are being denied proper education and are forced to do heavy work that no children should have to do. I greatly applaud your friend for not giving up and staying positive. She has a strong will and I believe that she can defeat every adversity that she faces. I hope the best for you and your friend, and I thank you for sharing your story with us.
Dear Alia,
I believe that it is important for people to stand up for women’s rights, and I would like to congratulate you for your effort to make your voice heard. I find your story about Najwa to be captivating as it illustrates the injustices that Afghani women face in their country. Furthermore, I especially liked how you exemplified the hope within Najwa’s eyes. Even through all the adversity, you state how Nawja didn’t give up, how she always had smiles on her face. I find your contrast on what to do very forthcoming, especially when you say, “if I laughed with her and made her happy, it looked like I was pleased about her situation, but if I cried it might look like I thought of her as a weak and poor girl.” I find this part of your story to be beautifully written, as you explain how you don’t want Nawja to be seen as weak and poor, but you instead chose to emphasize her strength and her happiness. I appreciate your desire to advocate for women’s rights. I urge you to continue to tell these stories to bring attention to the change that is needed in your home country. You are at the forefront of this cause, and I hope that you will continue to share stories like these.
Alia,
First of all, I am deeply sorry for the pain and suffering you and Najwa have gone through. Nobody on this Earth should be objectified and mistreated as you both have.
The story of Najwa is a sad and poignant one. From an early age, she was punished, mistreated, and silenced by strangers, forced to marry a man against her will. The fact that she not only did not harbor enmity but learned to be happy after her ordeal is truly impressive. It is so easy to sink into bitterness and resentment. Becoming happy after such trauma is a truly Herculean feat.
Thank you for your bravery, tolerating hostile strangers, and reporting this story. We should all learn to persevere, no matter what life throws at us, much like Najwa.
DK
Dear Alia,
Your essay portrays a heartbreaking story that unfortunately has similarities with thousands of other stories. It is simply terrible to see how others judge women so much that they’re seen as objects or servants undeserving of the respect for “humans”. I can’t imagine what Najwa’s mother must have gone through to keep her daughter with her and it is simply devastating that she didn’t have the resources to care for her. I don’t even have words for Najwa’s struggles throughout her life: Najwa’s family squeezed her of so much potential and deprived her of a loving family just so they had “a servant for themselves” (like you said). On top of all this, Najwa remained extremely strong and had a uniquely enormous amount of willpower for someone her age. I’m 15 and I can’t imagine having to miss school, something that is so beloved to me and I take for granted, to work at home. These are conditions that a teenager, or anyone of that matter, should never have to live under, and it is even more difficult that she has to put on a facade and act like nothing is wrong.
I also appreciate your carefulness when it comes to addressing and talking to Najwa and how it may seem to her. It shows how much you care about her which I think also shows especially since you shed light on her story so the public knows what so many young teenage girls have to go through.
Despite that, you mention that Afghanistan is a beautiful place that deserves respect regardless of the norms that force young women to wear a facade and go through such terrible conditions. Thank you for telling us about both the reasons you love Afghanistan and why you believe it’s a pain to know what its citizens have to undergo.
Asalaam Alia,
My name is Halima and I am a 15 year old girl in high school. It breaks my heart knowing that young girls and women are oppressed merely because of their gender. Although, your stories very existence is able to defy these labels that have been placed on females since birth. You speak of how women are objectified and stripped of many opportunities, which I also believe is wrong. Being a young Afghan woman, I can really relate to this story and your bravery gives me courage. I hope that Afganistan can once again experience peace, along with equal rights. I want you to know how strong you are and how strong your words are, which is something no one can confiscate from you. I am proud to be Afghan, but I am even more proud to be an Afghan woman.
Dear Alia,
Your story made me realize how your friend Najwa was so persevering and dedicated even after experiencing many sufferings and the practice of child marriage. I understand the pain that you faced while riding the school bus as it is so upsetting how others criticize and judge women as “objects” who do not have educational rights to build a career of their own. Along with poverty, your friend could not even live with her family, sacrificing the ties with her loved ones to have basic necessities of food and shelter. It is saddening how the neighbors never cared for her as their own, treating her as a servant and making her do all the chores. It is inspiring though how your friend did not lose hope and continued to “smile” to never make anyone around her feel bad about her situation. She was strong and confident as she believed to steer her life by maintaining a positive outlook despite her painful experiences in the past. Thank you so much for reminding us about the oppressive issues of gender inequality and how women like you can make the world a better place to live with just one chance to express themselves in society. I believe it is high time that people start respecting every human being for who they are, making us all have equal inalienable rights.