Shafiqa was just thirteen years old and she had lots of wishes until a forced marriage destroyed her future. She grew up in a western province with her mother and four older half brothers from her father’s first wife, who had died.
Her father had also died before she was born and her brothers wanted to engage Shafiqa to marry when she was a baby. Her mother delayed marriage until she turned thirteen. About the time she came of age, a forty-three-year-old man named Sakhi was looking for a new young wife and he spoke to her brothers about Shafiqa. He already had a wife and ten children. I have seen him when I go to her neighborhood and visit with Shafiqa. He is very old, with all the children and an angry wife. A lot of times men in Afghanistan marry a second wife because they don’t have sons, but this man has sons and wanted a new young wife to show off his wealth.
When the brothers heard he was looking for a new young wife, they happily told him how they had a sister and they were ready to give her to him, but they needed to get a lot of money for the marriage. Sakhi was pleased and sent his sister to the house. The brothers engaged Shafiqa to the old man for $20,000. It is more money than is usually paid, but the brothers took the money happily and saved nothing for their young sister.
Shafiqa had not yet seen the man. She imagined that her fiancé was a young and handsome person. She thought about how she is young and maybe her fiancé was also young and they would grow up together happily.
Her mother told her to wear a new dress and make herself beautiful because that night her fiancé would come to the house. Shafiqa prepared herself and waited to see her future partner. When he entered the house, she was shocked. She lost her self-control, and sat in silence, unable to talk. He was an old man and Shafiqa was a child. He became very angry and told her that he had given a lot of money to her brothers so she must accept him without question.
Shafiqa told me how she started crying and went to her mother shouting, “Who is he? What did you do with my life? I don’t like him. He is very old.”
Her mother said, “You have to accept him. He is a very rich man. Your life will be changed. He will buy lots of golden things for you and you will become the queen at his house.”
She cried and said, “I don’t want anything. I like being very poor.” They did not listen and they held her wedding party with Sakhi at her home. Because Sakhi still had his first wife, he could not hold a wedding party at his own house, so he asked a mullah to come and marry them without ceremony and then he brought her to his home.
When Shafiqa went to Sakhi’s house, she saw all the children including a daughter who was older than she. She fainted. When she awakened, the first wife came and spoke harshly to her. Then the daughters came and told her that now she was the servant of the house, that now all of them would be queen of the house and Shafiqa would serve them. Shafiqa has not yet had any children but she is now the servant and works for the first wife.
Her future has been lost to her brothers’ greed. She was a young girl with dreams. She wanted a young partner to share her life. She wanted to wear a white dress for her wedding.
By Leeda
Photo: Eric Kanalstein / UNAMA
Dear Leeda — This story makes me cry at the plight of this poor young girl whose “future has been lost to her brothers’ greed.” Thank you for telling her story and giving her a voice so we can see how much change is necessary. Love and peace, Nancy
This is the story of an innocent girl named Shafiqa who had to go through a lot of troubles due to the greed of their brothers and the bad decisions made by her parents. The parents wanted to marry her early to a rich man, but she did not want to live a rich life and was happy with her current life. Her life was ruined due to the greed of her brothers who sold her for twenty thousand. She wanted to continue her simple life and find a young man to be with. However, due to the parent/brothers uneducated decisions, she turned out to be a servant.
Dear Leeda,
This story is about a young girl named Shafiqa, who was sold without any hesitation by her greedy brothers. When Shafiqa was thirteen an old wealthy man had come to her four brothers seeking a new wife. Realizing that this man was very wealthy, her four brothers decided to let her be his wife for twenty thousand dollars. This story’s deep meaning shows how much representation young girls have in society. Perhaps if it were opposite genders in the same situation, things would not be the same. Shafiqa’s parents wanted her to marry this rich man but realizing that she would struggle for the rest of her life because she was basically made into a servant, she argued that she wanted to be poor again. This story symbolizes that a young life can be ruined very easily. It is unimaginable for a young girl who knows so little about the world, to be forced by her family to become married to an unwanted man. As a reader, it is devastating to think about Shaqifa’s struggles as a wife at such a young age. It would make her feel like her brothers do not care about her well-being and future since she was given away. It was important that you shared her tragic story showing others that there needs to be a change in this patriarchal society.
Leeda,
This is an incredibly powerful essay that has left me heartbroken. What a horrendous society to live in where a 13-year-old is forced to marry a gross 40-year-old dude who she has never met. Not to mention her disgustingly greedy brothers who SOLD HER to this man for money. It is absolutely revolting and disheartening to hear the story of this young girl whose life was completely derailed because a rich man wanted her as a token of his wealth and her brothers gladly accepted money in exchange for their sister’s life and decency. In no way should this be acceptable in any society, under any religion. This would never happen to a man, I presume because they are regarded with higher respect as humans than women, but then again, WHY? Why can’t women receive AT LEAST the respect and decency of a human being? Thank you so much for writing this essay which brings to light the incredibly horrible life that many women are forced into and I hope that it inspires other women to take action against this repulsive behavior by men as well as the women who are brainwashed into believing that this “tradition” is acceptable. Also, I genuinely do not mean this comment to be judgemental or offensive towards anyone’s particular culture or religion, I am merely expressing my opinion on the occurrences in Shafiqa’s life.
Thank you Leeda for sharing such a painful and sorrowful story with us because I can truly understand how it should have brought back sad memories. At the same time, I think it was necessary to share with the world so people can now know the experience you have gone through because of your brothers’ greed. The dreams and desires that you aspired for, stated at the end of your story, really portrayed the inspiring type of girl you are to me. I hope that even after marriage you find a way to accomplish those dreams and reach the goals and ambitions you aspire for. The most surprising and humbling part in your story is when you share your reaction after finding out that your husband is old because all the anger and sadness you said you felt was never once showed outside. You kept those feelings inside of you and didn’t share your weakness to the world. Instead, you kept quiet knowing that any tempered action would result in problems and that was very wise action for a 13-year old. The level of maturity you demonstrated with silence is unthinkable for any young adult much less a 13-year old girl. Now knowing the features and capabilities you possess I am confident that you are making the best out of your situation and you find a way to overcome this horrendous situation that I wish no other woman has to face.
Dear Leeda,
The story that you share is provokingly powerful and speaks for itself. When I first read the title of your story, I was shocked by how disturbing and plainly unacceptable this is, but as I began to read I only grew even more disgusted by her brothers and the rich man’s actions that failed to consider Shafiqa’s life. I am revolted by the fact that her brothers thought it was anywhere near acceptable to sell her for their own profit, despite her being their own sister. It is incredibly demoralizing to disregard Shafiqa’s own voice and her own desires in this deal that only benefits the men in this story, especially at the expense of Shafiqa. It only shows how her fate has been negatively impacted and determined for her by these men. In relation to society, this story describes the painful reality in many places around the world, where women are below men and seen only as objects, despite the equality and basic human rights they deserve. The fact that deals between men like this exist in our world is something that requires reform as it should be unacceptable for something like this to occur and be deemed justifiable. By telling this story, you not only raise awareness about ghastly things like this in our world, but you also inspire many other women around the world to speak out against the unequal treatment they face.
-Serena
Dear Leeda,
Your essay is an incredibly powerful depiction of the unfair inequalities that young women and girls are put under. This story is very painful to read, because it shows the great discrepancy in how different genders are treated in today’s society, even when people are claiming that gender inequality no longer exists. It’s really shocking and scary to think about how Shafiqa’s life is so dramatically altered by her marriage, and how unfair that many other women and girls are “sold” into marriages against their will, which can rob them of a choice of who they marry, education, and other aspects of their lives. Shafiqa’s tale brings awareness to an major topic that is often looked over by many who have not heard of or experienced anything similar in their/people close to them’s lives. It is also painful to hear of Shafiqa’s post-life marriage where she is not an equal in the household but instead treated as a servant by the other women. I hope that Shafiqa’s life has improved, and that she is able to find brighter future that is what she wants instead of a destiny shaped by others.
Sincerely, and all the best,
Izzy
Dear Leeda,
Your essay is an incredibly powerful depiction of the unfair inequalities that young women and girls are put under. This story is very painful to read, because it shows the great discrepancy in how different genders are treated in today’s society, even when people are claiming that gender inequality no longer exists. It’s really shocking and scary to think about how Shafiqa’s life is so dramatically altered by her marriage, and how unfair that many other women and girls are “sold” into marriages against their will, which can rob them of a choice of who they marry, education, and other aspects of their lives. Shafiqa’s tale brings awareness to an major topic that is often looked over by many who have not heard of or experienced anything similar in their/people close to them’s lives. It is also painful to hear of Shafiqa’s post-marriage life where she is not an equal in the household but instead treated as a servant by the other women. I hope that Shafiqa’s life has improved, and that she is able to find brighter future that is what she wants instead of a destiny shaped by others.
Sincerely, and all the best,
Dear Leeda,
I feel incredibly sorry to hear about your story…. You bravely described the unfair inequalities Afghanistan women faced as they grew up in their own community. It is a truly painful story to hear about Shafiqa, when she was only thirteen years old which is an age she should be enjoying the love from her family, yet she is forced by her three resentful brothers who decided to treat her as a property and sold her to an old rich man. From this story I believe it reflects the deep social problems existed inside Afghanistan society, not only people are threatened by the local violence groups, but social groups also faced unfair treatments and prejudices. Young girls being labeled as “property”, being sold and traded like an item has become a popular phenomenon in many parts of the world. Everyday, even right now there may be innocent girls fell under the evil hands, but the saddest parts about this occurring is that we can not do anything to help them. We do not know the location of the trade, the background, who is being traded, and we lacked the influence to stop this recurring issue. Even though right now we feel so furious and painful for Shafiqa, everyone is powerless against those who had always lived in society of inequality. But please don’t forget everyone who reads your story is willing to support and help you. By telling this story you are able to stand up and tell the rest of the world what is happening in Afghanistan.
Leeda,
Thank you for voicing this young girl’s story at a time when she needed it most. It shows that there is still a lot that can be done to help people in need like Shafiqa and her family. Her own family willingly gave her up for a prize because of how poorly they were doing. “Her future has been lost to her brothers’ greed” shows that you can’t rely on anyone and that even the people closest to you can betray you. All her hopes and dreams have been lost and it saddens me to hear about her life post marriage. Instead of being treated like a person and a wife, she is being punished by her husband’s first wife and being forced to be her servant. I hope that Shafiqa is leading a better life and may she one day have her hopes and dreams come true. Thank you for sharing this with us and letting people around the world into life in Afghanistan.
From reading this story, I reaize how privileged and lucky I am to live in a safe home and have a family who won’t marry me off to someone else as soon as I turn of age. I can’t believe that people are still being sold against their will. To me, it is atrocious that someone so young would be forcefully engaged to someone more than double their age. Marriage is meant to be a consensual bond between two people who love each other very much, not forced. I can’t even imagine how scared she must have been, having to leave her home so suddenly and move into strangers, and be told to serve them all. Thank you for sharing her emotional story.
Dear Leeda,
First and foremost, I’d like to applaud you for sharing Sahfiqa’s experiences. It must have been hard for you to write about in the perspective of Shafiqa, but I can say that it felt as if I was there. Reading this has opened my eyes to how privileged I am to be a woman with a family supportive of my future. It is appalling to me that this is common practice for people to see women, YOUNG women at that as objects to show off their wealth as if they are gold necklaces or cars. Marriage is supposed to be a sacred bond between two consenting people, yet it is distorted into a way of business in situations like you have described. My heart goes out to any woman who has had to undergo this as a child instead of focusing on EXPERIENCING their childhood and becoming educated, I have realized how much in my own life I’ve taken for granted.
Marriage is a sacred idea, where you plan on marrying your one and only person in the world. However, in this sad story, a young woman, Shafiqa, is forced to marry someone who is double her age so that her family gets twenty-thousand dollars. Not only does she get none of the money, but she also loses her one and only opportunity to marry. She’s forced into a life of being a housemaid for the rest of her life. Even though her husband is extremely wealthy, she can never buy her happiness with money.