The NATO conference in Chicago this weekend is important for Afghanistan because international policymakers are making decisions on major issues such as supporting the Afghan military, economic assistance, women’s rights, and the future of Afghanistan after 2014.

The security situation in Afghanistan is worse than ever and Afghans are hopeful about the results of this conference, although they have been disappointed in the past by similar conferences in Bonn, London, Turkey, and elsewhere.

I hope this time our government has sent good, talented delegates who understand they are there on behalf of a poor and needy nation and our people need results.

No women delegates

I very much appreciate the attention of the international community to Afghanistan and I hope the international forces do not forget Afghanistan after 2014. Our country needs support so that it will not remain a haven for terrorists and the Taliban. I also hope the Afghanistan government representatives return home with funding and support for the Afghan people although I want policymakers to make it clear how the funding must be spent so that it will not be wasted like before, and go into the pockets of corrupt people.

But I am very disappointed because, as always, no women are participating in the conference on behalf of Afghanistan’s women. How can the male delegates understand the needs of Afghan women or speak on our behalf? This is not the time of the Taliban, when only men should decide women’s destiny. But the Afghan government is behaving like the Taliban.

Afghan women are very active all over the country, and even with all the pressure to stop them from rising up, Afghan women still raise their voices. Women are active in Parliament, business, government, and at universities. How can Afghan politicians close their eyes to this involvement by Afghan women?

The fact that Afghan women were not invited is not the fault of the international community, but I do wonder why they didn’t bring attention to the issue and invite women delegates themselves. Without women delegates, the results of the conference are in doubt.

What Afghan women need

If I were in Chicago speaking on behalf of the women of my country, I would ask for help for Afghan women to build more schools. I would ask for support for Afghan policewomen and female teachers and for help to build more hospitals for Afghan women and children in areas where women are not allowed to go to the hospital.

I would speak on behalf of our sisters who spend years in prison for no reason, who cannot divorce, and who are victims of violence. I would ask the international community to support women’s shelters and support the women who fight for freedom and women’s rights. If our government would make and observe laws that support women’s rights, violence against women would decrease.

I also would ask them to pay more attention to girls’ education in Afghanistan and to provide support for higher education for women inside and outside Afghanistan so that we will have talented, highly educated Afghan women in the future. Then we could break all the bonds and win the presidency one day.

But unfortunately, as always, our voices will not be heard and our hopes will die in our hearts. Still, we take up the pen to ask for our rights, and so I write to ask for freedom of speech and freedom in life for Afghan women.  

By Norwan

Photo: REUTERS

 

When the Taliban first came to Afghanistan, they claimed to have great ideas, especially about women. But now we call the Taliban’s time of rule “The Dark Period” because they committed so many inhuman acts against the Afghan people and our historic sites.

The Taliban originally claimed that they would help women and that women and men should have equal rights. The Afghan people were persuaded by their words. The Taliban promised women that anarchy in the country would last only six months longer and then the Taliban would bring security and rule Afghanistan in an Islamic way.

However, they said that for those six months women should leave their jobs and stay at home and after six months women would get their freedom.

People trusted them, maybe because we were tired of war with the Soviet Union and the Mujahideen or maybe because they had demonstrated good deeds. Afghan people wanted someone to take control and end the anarchy; we were much like the French after the French Revolution. But as soon as the Taliban gained control of the government, they forgot their promises. We suffered for our misplaced trust.

Taliban in Kabul

In March 1995, the Taliban invited the leader of the Hazara people, Abdul Ali Mazari, to talk with them, but they cut off his ears and nose and then hanged him. By 1996, they had complete control of Kabul and Afghanistan.

They took Kabul very easily, using guns and killing the president, Najeeb. Then, on September 9, 2001, two men disguised as reporters and carrying a gun that looked like a camera killed the leader of Mujahideen, Ahmad Shah Massoud.  

Now, the Afghan people had lost two of their heroes, Mazari and Massoud. The people also lost hope. The Taliban had taken over the country in such a short time, collecting the people’s weapons so they could no longer protect themselves.

After taking Kabul, the Taliban published new rules. The punishments for those who did not follow the rules were hanging, shooting, stoning of women, and cutting off the hands of a thief.

Some of the Taliban’s new rules:

• Women must wear chadari (burqa) so men cannot see even their hands.
• A woman cannot leave the home without her husband’s permission.
• Girls are prohibited from attending school, except for mosque school.
• Women are banned from working outside the home and must stay home with the children.
• Men must wear turbans and should not cut their moustaches.
• Men should support the family and take care of their wives.
• The hands of a robber will be chopped off and criminals will be hanged in public.
• All media except for radio and newspapers were banned.

Taliban rule turned women into birds in a cage, stuck within the walls of their homes. The Taliban believed that women were feeble-minded and suited only for raising children and working for their husbands. There were no choices in this. Under the Taliban, women were slaves to men, nothing else. And after a while, women began to believe that these views were true.

Taliban in Bamiyan

After taking over the government, the Taliban eventually gained control of every corner of the country except the northeast provinces of Badakhshan and Panjshir. The Mujahideen, through Ahmad Shah Masoud, had a stronghold in these areas, but the Taliban finally took Panjshir when they killed Masoud.  

In 1997, they seized Bamiyan province, home to a large number of members of the Hazara ethnic group, and the people were frightened. First they disarmed the people and then told the Hazara, who are mostly Shia, that they were not true Muslims. They ordered the Hazara to convert to the Sunni sect or leave Afghanistan. They did not agree, and day by day, as the Taliban’s rule became stronger, they began killing the men.

In 1999, the Taliban killed many thousands of Bamiyan men and they divided fields belonging to the Hazara people and gave the land to the Kuchi people. The Kuchi are nomadic and owned very little, and they have clashed with Hazara for many decades over grazing rights for their camels and herds. But now the Kuchi had supporters in government, weapons, and more power and they had land they could use as pasture.

Many Bamiyan people wanted to leave the country, but they did not know where to go. By then the Taliban had permeated every corner of Afghanistan. They gave the Hazara people three choices:

1. They could accept the Sunni religion.
2. They could go to Iran.
3. They could go to the grave.

By Kamilah

Photo: Taliban religious police beating a woman in Kabul on August 26, 2001 (RAWA.org). The Taliban Takeover, part 2, will recount the experiences of two Afghan girls when they fled Bamiyan with their families.

Editor’s note: One of our writers interviewed an Afghan man who married a young woman to prevent her from having to accept marriage into a powerful Taliban family. This is his story, as told to our writer. Identifying details are withheld  for their security.

I heard her soft and kind voice for the first time when she was reading in a poetry program. There were so many people sitting in front of me that I couldn’t see her, but when she finished reading her poem I stood up. I could only see a pair of eyes; the rest was covered in a long black hijab and a chador.

I went home thinking of this woman—Sara—and her voice. I saw her another day and tried to talk with her, but she acted like she didn’t want to talk to me. We couldn’t communicate at the university because a boy talking with a girl is a crime. Even academics think that a boy and girl talking would end in a sexual relationship.

I took her phone number and tried to call her. I wanted her to become a member of my family. I thought that I would propose her for my cousin. He would be the luckiest man to marry such a brave and talented girl.

Sara would not talk to me on the telephone. She had a secret phone, but could only use it when she was away from home. After many difficulties I was able to contact her, but sensed that she was hiding something and was afraid to share it with me. After a time, in a low voice, she told me that she cannot marry my cousin because her family was going to marry her to a close relative in N___’s family very soon.

The marriage was not her choice. Her family decided that because N___’s family was rich and had a powerful reputation, he would be a good match. She had to respect her family’s decision.

I was shocked to hear this. I asked her for some of her poems, but she said she cannot write them on paper. Her writing was a secret from her family and she memorized all her poems. I was curious how she could study with these conflicts in her family. As we spoke, she told me more about herself and said that she was going to accept the marriage.

I told her that she must find a way out of this arrangement. We began discussing solutions. And then she asked me if I could marry her. It was shocking to hear such a proposal from a girl. These were such brave words and I thought, “I am dreaming.”

Out of respect for her, her bravery, and the tolerance I saw in her, I decided to help her. I wanted to give her the happiness she deserved, so I married her. Because of my childhood and the honest love I received from my mother, I respect women. I believe men should love and respect them. This is what I believed when I married Sara.

I thought saving a girl from cruelty was my job. I didn’t know that it would destroy me and bring a wild storm into my family. I didn’t know that with this marriage I was throwing stones into a house of wild poisonous snakes.

We could not live as a newly married couple. Our honeymoon was spent in hiding. Shortly thereafter, we learned that N___’s family had decided to kill us. They not only wanted to kill us, but stone us to death to teach women and girls a lesson.

Sara also wanted to teach a lesson. She wanted to stand up and to say “No”; to defend her own rights and be respected for her choices.

We knew that we were going to be killed. We escaped. All the problems began to fall on my family.

To get revenge on us, N___’s family asked to have my sister instead of Sara. My sister is eighteen. She still paints butterflies in her notebooks. She is a child. She needs more than eighteen years to understand life.

For revenge again and to further make us understand that we cannot make decisions about our own lives, they killed my fourteen-year-old brother R___. They tortured him, stabbed him, and cut out his eyes.

R___ was the baby of our family. My father called him Afghani Einstein because he was very clever in math. He was like a son to me. Killing my brother is like taking half of my body. It is a cruel and wild punishment.

Because I helped a girl, my family must pay a high price. My family is lost and worried. They cannot make a decision when confronted with N___’s power, guns, and money.

I have lost my family, my job, and my country. The worst is when I think of my brother with such deep sorrow in my heart. He rests in a cold grave under bloody soil.

I remember his childhood; his naughty days making faces in front of the mirror, playing games and asking for money or chocolate in the middle of the night. He didn’t know anything about life. He was full of future dreams. He pictured a long life, but that was taken from him. Now my mother looks at his football picture album and his clothes and cries.

We cannot negotiate with N___ because we are fighting against hatred and ignorance. He has no heart to accept our words.

When I think how we are helpless in preventing my sister from marrying the 49-year-old son of N___, it kills me. I am enraged and frustrated at a culture allows this. N___ told his sons: “It is my decision to marry you three times and the fourth wife is your choice.” No one hears our anger. N___ can buy everybody and end the lives of my family members.

I believe tolerance makes a man. I am proud and happy that I am not like N___. I am proud that I respect women as gifts and angels who come from the sky to brighten the world. I am proud to respect humans for upholding their rights and freedoms.

By Anonymous

Photo: Staff Sgt. Kaily Brown/U.S. Dept. of Defense

I have always had a dream, or maybe a wish, that I could go back in time. It may not seem logical to wish for this undoable thing, but it would be great if I could go back and change everything in the world.

When I was a kid, I wished to be a warrior like Zorro, who could right all evils with a swish of his sword. But I got disappointed when I grew up. I found out that fighting wouldn’t bring me any advantages. War is like a poison that spreads through your body if you continue it. I would stop it all if I could return to a time 2000 years ago in Afghanistan.

Afghanistan’s history is all about wars. I don’t know any king that gave up his kingdom in peace.  There was always a fight for power and that is the one thing I would change if I could turn back time.

You might say, “This is crazy. You are only one person. You cannot fight against an entire government.” But I would remind people who say this, that revolutions start with one person.

War on a new front

Discrimination is the thing that we suffer from now. You feel it so strongly when you are in a backward country. Discrimination exists worldwide, not just in Afghanistan, but every educated person knows it is not logical to put someone down for her culture, color, or religion.

One of the things I would change if I could go back in time would be to unite all the people around the globe and let them know that this would be a better world if we evaluated people from their hearts and not from their nations and cultures.

It is impossible to go back to the past, I know, but it gives me the motivation to change things so that the children in the next 2000 years will not have to wish they could go back in time and make the changes that I could not.

By Fatima H.

First I say Salaam, or peace be with you, to those men who, against all odds, stand behind women’s progress even if it forces them to conduct their lives as secretly as many women.

Most people have only heard about life in Afghanistan, but I am a witness. I see the pictures and live the experiences of what it means to a woman every day. It is extraordinarily difficult, not only being a woman, but being a human being in this country.

It feels as though God has given only problems and pain to Afghan women and they are forced to accept this suffering as part of their destiny.

It is shameful for any woman to have daughters. She is blamed for not having a son and suffers her entire life for not providing a male child to be her husband’s pride. Many feel so helpless and fearful that their husband will take another wife that they pretend one of their daughters is a boy.

A woman’s shame

Afghan girls are tired of forced marriages, which don’t allow them to choose or think about their future. Men are the lords and masters of the family and act as though they are God’s messengers. Whatever men say is right and every female must obey. Women have no voice.

In some families when a girl is born at the same time as a male cousin, the parents decide they will marry. If it turns out they don’t like each other, they must marry anyway. In most families when parents can’t afford for their son to marry, a sister often devotes her future to him.

There are talented female engineers, lawyers, and economists in Afghanistan who cannot work in these fields once they marry. They must either become school teachers or quit working all together.

There are no days off for Afghan women. Each must deal with a host of problems from dawn to dusk. A good day is one in which you are relieved of some of your fears. That means no one is home and you can open a window to breathe in fresh air. Women who live in apartments are not permitted to look out or open a window. They may not even open the curtains since it is considered shameful if any neighbor sees them.

Whenever a girl goes to school, she is under pressure to return home immediately. If she is even five minutes late, she may be kept at home the next day. A carefree day for a woman would mean she doesn’t have to wash clothes for her fifteen-member family, cook three times a day, and generally act as a servant.

Dreams deferred

Sometimes I wonder what the dreams and wishes of Afghan women are but do not believe they have many dreams left. They chase after the wind in hopes of earning just enough freedom to talk, feel a little independence, feel like a human being, and feel they are valued. They hunger for a hopeful word or a smile on someone’s face.

For many women, “dream” is a word with no meaning. Most of their dreams are destroyed because they are forbidden to speak or make their own choices. A woman’s dreams are crushed upon accepting a forced marriage. At the age of twelve, a girl must often quit school in order to marry and then all her dreams go up in smoke.  Her dreams of continuing school and a future are destroyed.

Thinking about these terrible things makes me ask myself, “Are there any happy days in an Afghan woman’s life?” Despite sadness and disappointment, Afghan women never complain. They are symbols of strength. They are rocks. These women suffer on the inside, but wear a smile on their lips. They seek laughter where there is none. Their happiest moments are when they find a chance to talk secretly with the next door neighbor and complain about their mothers-in-law!

What makes a man?

It is the happiest day for a woman when she is sick and the man of the family does not angrily prevent her from going to the doctor.  It is the happiest moment if after six months a married woman gets the permission of her father-in-law, brothers-in-law, and husband to visit her parents. It is a happy day when her husband gives her a small amount of money from his foolish pockets!

Sometimes I wonder if men want women to be happy at all. A few years ago I wrote a poem about why Afghan males don’t allow women to be happy, but my poem was burnt and my pen was broken along with my heart.

I do not consider such people real men. They may wear men’s clothing and have a beard, but that doesn’t make them men. Such men don’t even realize that their wives, sisters, and daughters are unhappy. They may provide food, clothing, and safety, but if a woman speaks out about women’s rights, human rights, or education, they declare it nonsense.

Any open-minded, educated man they see advocating for women’s rights is denounced as a coward. Every wrongful tradition imposed on women is accepted as culture. Even most Afghan women don’t understand their rights. They think that everything is mandated by God.

Once at the market, I saw an Afghan man come into a shoe shop and look around. When he selected a pair, the shopkeeper asked, “What size do you want?” He acted uncomfortable as though it would be embarrassing to know his wife’s shoe size and replied, “Don’t ask me what size. She has nine children!”

Searching for light

I feel as angry as though a bomb has struck when I think that our names and even our existence are shameful!

Three years ago when I went to the doctor, I watched a couple ahead of me. The woman wore a burqa. When the doctor asked her what ailed her, she looked at her husband and he explained her health problems to the doctor. After they left, the doctor and I wondered if the day would ever come when an Afghan female could go to the doctor without a translator!

Whenever I witness something like this, all I see is darkness for our future. My hopes die and I cry for my Afghan sisters. I fear I must bury my hopes in a grave of silence. Once I dry my tears, I believe that the next generation will not share our destiny. Afghan women must not forget that it depends on us to make sure our voices are heard and to seek change. If I stand up, if you stand up, and if another sister stands up in Afghanistan, we can create a revolution in our lives: a revolution for hope and change!

By Norwan 

Photo by Kate Holt