I think forgiveness can be very difficult but it depends on the person who hurt you. There are degrees.
I cannot forgive my dad’s friend who tried to take advantage of me. Whenever I think about it, I get angry and want to kill him. The same applies to a man we lived with when I was five or six and he tried to take advantage of me. When he died, I was the most happy person on earth. If there is hell in the other world, I hope he is there and I am sure he is. These are first-degree grievances that I cannot forgive.
Another time, my cousin hit my mom in front of me. My mom was like his mother. I cannot forgive him. My mom forgives him. I wouldn’t harm him, but I have not talked to him in six years. I just stay away from him. Then when I lived with a host family, one of the family members used a very bad word to insult the Prophet Muhammad and my religion. I was emotionally hurt. But later I was able to forgive the person and forget about it. Now we have a good relationship.
I have a family of nine members. Even for parents who are educated, it is hard to run a family.
Sometimes if my dad wanted me to study or my mom wanted me to do house chores and I did not they would hit me. I still remember this sometimes. I even cry about how I was raised. But despite it, I love all members of my family and where ever I am, I think of them. They are always in my mind. I could easily risk my life for any of them. Without them, I would be nothing.
By Sara
This work was supported by the Fetzer Institute.
Thank you Sabera, for your beautiful words, and for your reminder of the power of love.
Dear Sabera: Thank you for your honesty and for this beautiful but painful meditation on forgiveness. Despite the cruel things people have done to you, your ability to love, and to forgive, shines through. I think about these lines: “I have a family of nine members. Even for parents who are educated, it is hard to run a family.” I think this is very true–no matter the background, no matter the number of kids. Thank you for your sharing both your experience and your wisdom with us.
Stacy
Thank you for writing this. I think you are right; some things should be forgiven and others should not.
Forgiveness is a tricky concept. Remembering a painful incident can bring up anger even years after it happened. I do think it’s possible to move on with your life without forgiving if you focus on positive things.
Dear Sabera,
SABERA in Arabic is name of patience and endurance,and this is where your beautiful words came from! I share your feeling, forgiveness is also kind great of morality and respect for elderly ,this is in my culture and habit too….
thank you sister for your honesty ,you are an amazing woman,May Allah bless your heart!
Dear Sabera,
Thanks for opening up to us on this. Forgiveness is not for the other person and it does not mean that what he did is right. It just means that you will no longer carry the weight of the memory of the offense with you every day. They are still wrong, but you are free.
I wish you peace.
Thank you for writing about these injustices. It is good to remember, and be angry about injustice. I think love helps us move on, even as we remember and speak of what happened.
Thank you Sabera, your honest, searching essay about forgiveness high-lights the intensely personal dialog a person has with what we like to call conscience. There is no “one size fits all” formula. Each person has to weigh in the balance what harmful, horrifying memories to file under “forgiven” and what to put in the “keep” box. You, Sabera appear to have struck a moral equilibrium that works for you. I applaud your sharing your journey with us. Your words should help any of us who have to face similar issues in our own lives.
A Syrian friend just told me that Sabera means “patience.”
Sabera, this is such a beautiful and honest piece of writing. Thank you sharing it, and for opening up about these painful experiences. All the best, Keya
How did the Fetzer Institute support this work? How about a story about your experiences in Kentucky?