In Afghanistan, according to social tradition, I have not been a good girl. I was supposed to wear a headscarf when I was nine, but I did not wear it until I was thirteen. I wanted to change the way people think about girls in my society.
In Afghanistan, a girl is a good girl when she wears a big, long dress and a huge scarf, sits at home, doesn’t talk much, and accepts what her family says. They tell her when something is good or bad for her.
A good girl is one who doesn’t ask for her rights, doesn’t ask for her inheritance, serves her brothers as her bosses, cooks well, and doesn’t have her own name but is called by her brother’s or father’s name. She always prays five times a day and reads the Quran instead of going to school. She doesn’t choose her husband or her future and keeps her father proud by doing all these things.
When she marries she sacrifices herself. Age does not matter. Even if she is twelve she is now a woman. She lives in her husband’s house with her mother-in-law and father-in-law and she doesn’t go to her father’s house too much. She gives birth to a boy, not a girl, and quietly tolerates whatever is being done to her.
People have a saying in Afghanistan about a good girl when she gets married. “The good girl is the one who goes to her husband’s house with a white dress and comes out with a white shroud.”
It means that whatever is done to her, she will tolerate it until she is dead and wears a white shroud to get out of that house. It seems impossible to bring change in my country, but I want to be part of the way we change issues regarding women. I cry when I think about the laws passed against women.
But then I think,”I am a leader and a leader needs to be strong.” I think of Malala, I think of my mother’s hero and my hero, Margaret Thatcher, and of Afghan human rights activist Sima Samar and so many other strong women. This is how I stay strong.
When I see the situation of women in my country, I do not want to marry or have children. But then I think, maybe I will be a mother so I can give my children the freedom to choose, to think, to be smart. I will treat them all equal. I will never let my boys be my girls’ bosses. I will make them think of all people as human—Hazara and Tajik, Pashtun and Uzbek, Jewish and German, Muslim and Christian, black and white.
I dream big and I hope my dreams come true. I always tell myself, “Keep on dreaming, even if it breaks your heart.” I hope every one dreams.
By Nahida, age 15
Dear Nahida,
Thank you for writing from your heart. I will dream that you get the opportunity to be a mother who teaches her children of equality and freedom to choose. Keep writing. Keep dreaming.
Therese
Dear Nahida,
You are a hero just for writing these words. I know that Allah or God will bless you and continue to bless your courage and your heart.
Dear Nahida,
Your understanding of how inequality is brutal will guide you well
in accomplishing your dreams! You would be the best kind of mother
given your exquisite insight and appreciation of equality and freedom.
Don’t rule it out just yet…..
Best,
ILO
Dear Nahida,
Thanks for writing your essay! It is important to judge for yourself what is good for you. I think you know that already. It was very brave of you to refuse to wear a headscarf for so many years! Keep being brave! You might not be able to change everything that needs to be changed, but each day you can be brave and be proud of yourself for being brave!
In my world: good girls are brave. good girls are strong. good girls are intelligent and study hard so that they can get jobs that give them some money and independence.
Don’t rush to have children! You have a lot of life ahead of you. Stay in school and work to get a good job. Keep writing!
My prayers are with you,
Alice
I am inspired by your brave truthtelling, Nahida. By the clear-eyed way you tell your stories, and the beautiful way your share your dreams. Your visions are those of peace, happiness, justice. Please keep up the excellent work! Stacy
For those of us in the west it is almost impossible to understand the problems women and girls face in Afghanistan. I hope many other Afghan women will have the same courage as yourself. Keep writing … your words are inspiring.
Dear Nahida,
This is a lovely piece. I think you’ve already taken the first step–that of realization. Often we go through the motions of each day, not questioning why we must wear a scarf or listen to a brother or marry a stranger. “That’s just how its’ done,” we think. Yet, you’ve already picked your head up and started to ask, “Why. Why does this make me a good girl to do these things? What really is a good girl?” You’re half way there. Keep going.
Best,
Jana McBurney-Lin
Author, My Half of the Sky
Thanx dear soo beautiful
Dear Nahida,
You are my hero. Through your story I see and feel strength. Thank you for sharing.
Anosha
Itesebshoild not be dreams, they should be realities for you.
These should not be dreams, they should be reality for you.
Dear Nahida,
You are a leader. To write so clearly and so strongly is something a leader does. And to tell the truth is also a mark of a fine leader. You have done a great job with this essay.
wishing you peace,
linda
Nahida — Your leadership skills are apparent in your clear explanation of what it means to be “good girl” and how unfair it is. The idea of raising your children to believe in equality is a wonderful idea and perhaps will inspire others who already have children to do that now. I hope others, too, will dream as big as you are and work towards a better future in Afghanistan. All best wishes, Nancy
All of the positive energy and good wishes in the world to you, Nahida, as you go through your life. You really are not alone, as you reach out with your words and your strength. We dream with you, and do not forget you. There is strength in your youth, and in your ability to reach out with your writing, and, hopefully, with social media. I believe you will change your world in this way. Young women in Kabul are organizing and bravely reaching out in this way. I hope that, like Malala, you are able to focus on your education. You have so very much to offer, through your courage and leadership. I hope you can believe that you are not alone.
Dear Nahida, You are a brave, strong, intelligent young lady to help the rest of the world understand the definition of a “good girl” in your country. Your sincerity and the vulnerability you show through your writing lifts up my heart and inspires me to stand with you and know that all the things you want to be, you can be! Excellent writing!
Hi everyone,
I hope you all are doing great and healthy. Thank you very much for your each comment and encouraging me to write and to not give up.
With all the best,
Nahida
My Dear Nahida,
I read it with tears in my eyes and then I read it again. I am working on a presentation in class tomorrow and I was looking for examples of the strength and resiliency of the women of Afghanistan. I didn’t want to just show the woman who was killed or beaten or tortured. I want to make sure my classmates see the heroes working within the country to bring about change. You are brilliant and I pray your dreams will come true.
Dear Cristina,
Thank you very much for your nice comment and thank you for sharing this as a positive change with your classmates. There might be people who do not know know much about Afghanistan, except war, violence, and the politics. I am saying this because now I am in the U.S. studying high school and there are some people who are sorry because I from Afghanistan. I really appreciate that you do not only see the negative sides of my country, BUT also you see and feel the positives. thank you very much.
Kind regards,
Nahida
Dear Nahida,
Thank you for sharing this beautiful and heartfelt work of courage and strength. I love your last lines and I hope you not only keep dreaming, but that you also keep writing! One day your words will change the world! With much admiration, Jessica
Dear Nahida,
You are a brave and amazing young woman. I can only hope your dreams come true.
Dear Nahida, You are a powerful, inspiring, strong leader! I work with a few NGOs (Asia University for Women, Girl Rising and RoomToRead’s Girl Program) supporting the basic human rights that ALL girls be educated and am so moved by your “Good Girl” essay! I know you will help to change the landscape of the world because you have the courage to stand up for what you know to be true! I am so glad you are at our school help to open your classmates’ minds to the world AND show by example how to show up in the world as a leader! Bravo! I hope to meet you one day soon!
Dear Nahida
Thanks from your activity
This story was so niccccce
I believe you can do everything for women as a leader …
👏👏👏