Mazar E Sharif— I’m Laila and I’m 30 years old. I’m married and a housewife. I have nine children and I live in Khorasan. I survived pregnancy nine times, but I lost two babies and now I must not be pregnant again so we use condoms. It’s enough. I’d like to train the children.
During my pregnancies, I had to go for a checkup several times and they gave me an ultrasound and some medicine. There is some difficulty for women during pregnancy and if they are not rich some mothers suffer. We were rich and my husband cared for me when my children were small.
My first child was a boy and then I had a daughter who died. All of my children were born at home except for the last one when I went to the hospital because I was older and weaker.
My husband doesn’t care about the gender of our children and he never asked me about that. Because I have six daughters and three sons, he says that it all depends on dear Allah. I live in a large family with my mother-in-law and my sisters-in-law. Some of my sisters-in-law have children and some do not. All of our children live with us too.
If a husband and wife could choose the number of children, it would be a smaller family. It’s good to have fewer children so they will be trained in the best ways. They can go to school to study and get knowledge and their parents can feed them well and care for their clothing. This is not possible when having lots of children.
I wanted to have fewer children, but I didn’t know how to. It all belongs to Allah. I accepted it. I don’t think that when an Afghan man gets married, he thinks about the future of his family or children regarding feeding and clothing them. I know my brother didn’t think about it. The husband of one of my sisters-in-law doesn’t care about that either. He has many wives and he doesn’t care about one of them so she went back to live with her parents. I think it is better to have only one wife.
By Laila as told to Nilofar
Dear Laila,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. The sentence that stood out to me was, “I wanted to have fewer children, but I didn’t know how to.” This is such a powerful statement that resonated with me. It’s all just a matter of women knowing their rights.
A lot of poverty in Afghanistan, Laila, so birth control and family planning would be very helpful. Also if it was common knowledge that it is the man who determines the sex of a child: too often Afghan women are made to feel responsible when in fact it is the man who is.
GENETICS –
The female carries two chromosomes both of them xx
The male carries two also , but they are …………….. x y
The male sperm impregnates female egg with an X = girl
The male sperm impregnates female egg with a Y = boy
Birth Control for women: 50 years ago a pill was developed for women so they didn’t get pregnant and we call it ORAL ( done or taken by the mouth ) CONTRACEPTIVE. A pill you swallow every day.
The Qur’an allows birth control :
a) Birth control by using devices such as an I.U.D. (Intrauterine Device), condoms or the injection of a drug (to prevent pregnancy) and other things such as these.
http://www.al-islam.org/islamic-edicts-on-family-planning/birth-control
Thank you so much for sharing your story and I wish you good health and happiness.
All of the things that you have learned can be useful to your children, daughters and sons. Tell your children that it is better to have fewer children so that they can get the love and attention they need from their parents. You have valuable experience that you can pass on. This is how we help the future generations be better than we are. Thank you so much for sharing your ideas!
Dear Nilofar: Thank you for helping Laila share her story with all of us readers. If you see her again, please hug her for me. I have one child and I feel stress! To have nine children…may she be strong and healthy and supported! The same wishes for her children and extended family. Stacy
Thank you for sharing your powerful story. I wish all the best for you and your family. All the love. – H