The birthing, training, and raising of children is very difficult, but it has lots of sweet rewards. I am a single girl, but I think about marriage and its fruits: children. It is hard for me to make a decision about marriage. For now, I am completely free to go outside any time, meet my friends, take long trips, and work at many jobs at once.
Sometimes I tell myself to enjoy being single because after I marry and have children, my life will change and I will have more responsibilities. But when I visit with my married friends, they tell me different stories. They enjoy their time with their children and husband. They say that they had the same idea about marriage as I do now, but when they got married everything changed. After marriage, husband and wife wish to have a child because life is boring without children.
A girl changes into a kind mother, and a boy becomes a hard-working father. A mother becomes like a fairy; she forgets everything about her past and her thoughts are always with her children. She takes care of her child and she teaches the child how to speak, how to walk, how to jog, how to kiss his mother and father, and she doesn’t think much about other things because she is busy with her children.
Staying home is very difficult, but they say doing tasks outside of the house is not as important as nurturing the children, so they stay home. Mothering is a full time and very important job. But many people don’t understand this and they don’t give mothers the respect they deserve.
For now, I want to say that we should live for ourselves. When we are children we take care of our younger brothers and sisters. While we are single, we take care of aging parents. After marriage, we take care of our husband and our children. All our lives pass with taking care of someone, so it is important to attend to ourselves when we can. One day when I meet the right man we will choose to marry and it will be the beginning of a new life with a partner.
By S Anonymous
Photo by Afghan Youth Voices Festival.
An apposite approach to ones life.
I liked the way this essay discusses the pros and cons of getting married and having children. It is certainly best not to undertake having children until you are ready — and have had plenty of time to yourself. And you are so right even after you have a family “it is important to attend to ourselves when we can.” Your essay is a good reminder for all women who are constantly caring for others. Intelligent, thoughtful writing!
I enjoyed how your essay described the institution of marriage from a perspective of a single Afghani woman who, like you state, has freedoms that you may lose once you do marry. I personally find it fascinating how you automatically associate marriage with children, and state that marriage would be boring without bearing offspring. I also appreciate the positive connotation that you provide for motherhood, as it seems that here in the United States, motherhood is almost looked down upon due to it not being a formal occupation. I would like to know how married Afghani women are treated and respected in society, and whether or not marriage would result in the renunciation of a formal job, freedom to walk the streets independently, or any other anti-female social construct. I do recognize that Afghanistan as a nation has taken a few steps back in terms of progressive ideas from the days of Zahir Shah, and I would like to know how modern day Afghanistan has changed the way you and women in general act, feel, and behave. The fact that your story is available to people like me for educational purposes is amazing. Using personal experiences, Afghani family ideals, and the magic of words, you have presented a perfect example of how writing can instill progressive zeal in people’s hearts.
After I read your article, I feel touched a lot. I agree with you that most of men are not understand how hard to be a mother. Marriage could be a sweet candy, it also can be heavy chains. When I was young, my parents were fight very often. The most reason why they fight is because of me. My dad always said my mom only knows how to spend his money but can do nothing, my mom feels really hurt by that. Of course, men have pressure to keep their families to live, but they don’t know women work hard too. Men don’t stay in the home for long, so they don’t know how hard to take care housework and kids. Now, my parents are older, they understand each other better. Children could make a family becomes exciting, but they also bring challenges too. I can’t imagine how hard Afghan women to become mothers, but I believe it must be harder than other families.
I agree with your views of marriage and being single. I like how you have a positive view on marriage as there are so many stories and people with bad experiences with marriage. I like how you have somewhat of an excitement to get married. I find it interesting that you immediately think of being a mother and having children when you talk about marriage. From just observing my own mother, I seriously agree with the fact that mothering is a hard job. I think that we should live our lives for ourselves because at some point, we will have to live for others. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings.